Foolin'
by MessersSpideyTapp
Summary: Expelled. Permanently. Mid Fifth year a bird flies into Hogwarts, a shady one at that. How's a girl to survive with a name like shagaLily? THIS STORY IS ON HIATUS, sorry.
1. A Fish Out of Water

**A Fish Out of Water**

**AN: New Story, new Lily. Bored much? Why, yes, I was.**

It didn't snow here. In fact, it drizzled; a pathetic imprint of rain that could barely leave her shivering. She missed the biting cold, the frigid cheeks, the pleasure of a tea after an afternoon in the ice. But nay, Bristol would never bend to her whim or tickle her fancy.

Yet, there are always methods of compromise.

Thump, thump, thump, thump.

"Tom…" Lily groaned, "Tom, please!"

He smoothed back her hair as his smirk drew wider, "You like it, baby, eh? Eh? Tell me how you like it" he panted.

Thump. Thumpthumpthump.

Lily wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, ceasing his enthusiastic pounding momentarily, "Move the table you dumb shite, they'll hear us"

Tom looked affronted for a second, his cheeks flushing with arrogant bitterness as he pulled the table slowly away from the wall of the classroom.

"Thanks Tom"

He grunted and dove back into his task dutifully.

Lily closed her eyes, attempting to enjoy herself. No much use though, the man was horrid. Really, risking suspension for a lousy shag? This was a rather new low she'd never been acquainted with.

Above her, Tom gave the full impression of being completely and thoroughly pleased with himself. His eyes were rolled back in ecstasy, his tongue lolling out of his mouth; his hands gripped her thighs like the handles of a motorcycle, one he'd just gotten comfortable enough to ride.

Lily grimaced, he looked like a dog. This thought was sparked to a greater disgust as he panted with a greater urgency,

"You like it huh, _bitch_? Uh-uh-huh, yea, you like it bitch" Tom growled up to the ceiling.

Oh, gods.

Finally, Tom began to speed up, the sound of skin sliding on skin only enhanced by the slight slurp their bodies made as they separated.

Lily dug her hand in her hair, curling the ends between her thumb and her index finger, a habit she'd developed in boredom. She yawned, managing to disguise it as a groan of pleasure at the very last minute.

Soon, she thought, soon he'll be done and I can have a good long shower.

"OH, LILY!!!" he screeched.

She reached for her wand at the end of the table and silenced him.

"Oh, oh, Tom" she said monotonously "Oh-oh, oh"

"OH, LILY!!" he mouthed "I'M CUMING!!"

"Oh, Oh" she muttered, twirling her wand between her fingers.

"ARE YOU CUMING?" Tom continued, ever more enthusiastically pursuing a deeper fraction of her bowels "'CUZ I'M CUM-M-M-MING!!!!"

"Oh, yea. Cuming, huh. So close…" Lily rubbed her eyes with the butt of her palm.

Tom threw his head up with a silent roar; Lily felt the familiar sensation of his rhapsodic state, something akin to peeing on yourself.

He collapsed atop her, gasping for air. Against her chest, she could feel his heart drumming like a bird's, fluttering happily until her calmed down. She removed the spell.

Tom pushed himself off the table, wiping his brow with a smile, "That was great", he said.

"Yea…" Lily agreed lightly, "Well, g'night"

"Wait—"

"Look Tom, it's been fun. That's what it's all about, right?"

"Yea, but—"

"I've got to go, yea? I'll see you in class" she pushed her knickers into her jumper pocket, wondering fleetingly how she could've soiled them for a sod with such little skill.

"Can we meet—"

"Uh, no." she went to reach for the handle of the door when she felt Tom close his hand around her forearm.

"How _dare_ you deny me?" he demanded, "You'll see—"

Lily, however small, had the speed enough to be skilled at kicking, and when she managed to kick Tom earnestly in the shin, the last she could've imagined was the vast amount of noise his ungraceful fall would make.

CRASH!!

Tom whimpered pathetically, rolling onto his side in pain. Lily gave a curt nod, and with a smirk tugged open the door.

Oh, bollocks.

From the other side of the doorway glared the unpleasant piggish stare of Madame Poisson, her squinting, black eyes made more menacing by the sheer thickness of her prescription spectacles, her massive body wrapped in a century's old tartan chemise.

"Vel, vel, vel" the woman sneered in a thick, French accent "Look 'o ve 'ave 'ere. C'est Mademoiselle Lily , ze tart of ze school"

OoO

"_WHAT?!_"

Lily blew into her fringe "Expelled. Permanently." she said, crossing her arms under her chest "For a rotten shag"

"That seems ironic" Sarah snorted, flinging her long mane of black hair over her shoulder.

"Will you _shut up_ for once you FOUL BITCH!!!" panted Kate, shoving her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

Her sister smirked and shrugged a shoulder.

"Permanently?" Kate repeated, as if deflated, "Can they do that?"

Lily threw a pair of knickers into her trunk, "Apparently".

"Want a fag?" Sarah offered, lighting up.

"Ever the helper, aren't you?" Kate snapped, snatching the cigarette from her lips and put it out against the railing of her bed, "Can't you work it off?"

"No" Lily sighed "Fish's been telling Headmaster Collins I've shagged the entire staff"

"What a load of stinking bollocks!" Kate pushed her glasses so violently up her thin nose that she decked herself between the eyes "Merlin!"

"Not the whole staff, surely?" Sarah smirked, leaning against Lily's life-size poster of Robert Plant.

Lily rubbed her temples "Excluding herself" she said as she punched a load of filthy laundry into a small bag, "Geroff Rob, will you? You'll muck him up"

"Bet she's green with envy" Sarah commented, making her way to the bed and plopping down atop it "She's been pinning after you, you know"

Lily rolled her eyes, "That's _more_ than I care to know"

"There must be something we can do!" Kate said passionately, balling a fist and pounding into her hand, "Anything!"

"I will _not_ shag Madame Poisson" Sarah said sardonically "There's a reason we call her _Fish_" she made a face of disgust.

"For the love of Merlin, Sarah!" Kate screeched, burying her hands in her short hair as she tugged it, "This is _serious_!"

Lily stepped between them, "Just forget it" she said, "There's no possible way they'll let me stay" her tone contained a smirk of inevitability, as if she'd accepted her fate long before.

"Why would you say that, shag-a-lily?" Sarah's sarcasm droned from her left.

"I decked Fish in the face" Lily pulled from drawer a dirty box of old paints and a cup full of brushes and shrugged with a ghost of a chuckle.

Sarah burst out laughing "Now, _that's_ a reason to get expelled", she sneaked a fag from her inner pocket and lit it up, "This calls for a celebration."

"Then it really is pointless" Kate sighed, reaching into another drawer and pulling forth a handful of socks, "Why'd you do it?"

Lily picked up a snow globe and wrapped it in an old issue of _The Daily Prophet_, "She called me the school tart"

"Well that's certainly unfair" Kate cupped her chin in thought.

"Not to mention wrong" Sarah snickered "_I'm_ the school tart"

Lily bit the inside of her cheek.

Kate rolled her eyes.

"I am!" Sarah protested, "Ask anyone!"

Lily gave her a look that asked '_any_one?"

"Fine then, ask any bloke, who takes better care of their dangly-bits than Sarah?"

Lily smiled, "You're mad as a hatter,"

"Yea" she agreed.

"What are you going to do, Lily?" Kate asked softly, tucking a strand of her blond hair behind an ear and taking a seat beside Sarah.

"Go home, I suppose"

The sisters cringed in unison, "You're not serious?"

Lily shrugged, she reached for her stockings with a melancholic air "Where else is there?"

Kate sighed deeply, resting her head in her palm "I dunno"

Lily stilled beside her open trunk, almost all her belongings were packed, excluding the pair of trousers she'd wear tomorrow and the uniform she was due to return today.

"But I do!" Sarah exclaimed, "Don't you remember our cousin, Katie? Marlene?"

"Should I?"

"Well, yes! She stayed over the summer, hair as big as a dragon's arse, completely barmy?"

Kate looked blankly at her "Oh, _yes_, I remember." She said sarcastically, "I mean, since it's so _relevant_ I can't believe she slipped my mind"

"Get your head out of your arse, will you? She goes to Hogwarts, remember?"

"Hogwarts?" Lily asked, turning from beside her trunk, "Where's that?"

"Up in Scotland, I believe. Snow's something awful" Kate replied eagerly, "I can't believe I forgot about it"

"Ha!" Sarah exclaimed, extinguishing her victory fag against the side of the night-table "I win!"

"It snows?" Lily asked.

"Loads" Kate smiled, closing Lily's trunk with a snap.

OoO

Madame Poisson accepted the uniform without much ado; with the exception of the instance when she took a whiff of the crotch area of her dark grey stockings. She ripped off the name tags that pronounced Lily's ownership and glared at nose ring.

"Ve sure to remove zat _zing_ from your noose vefore entering in zat ozer school" she spat, grasping the uniform in her hands with an utmost contempt and stalked off behind her, leaving the redhead to cross the gates of Thornbury Castle.

Lily flipped her middle finger at the witch's massive back, "Flaming arsemonger" she muttered.

It was relatively cold, and the dark of the midwinter morning was just thick enough to make it annoying. Had it not been for the streetlight up ahead, she wouldn't have seen anything. She kept her wand tucked deep in her back pocket, warnings be dammed. She's rather have her arse on fire than risk loosing it in her jumper pocket.

The sweet lavender smell of her Stones jumper triggered the sadness of leaving this place. At first, she would've loved to move up north, the land of her first years, but what did it matter now? More than halfway through her magical education, more than comfortable, more than happy; there was no reason for change. The warmth of the light fires in winter, the thin rain, the foggy mornings; it really was all quite beautiful.

There was barely just a thatch of trees that prevented the muggles from seeing Thornbury Castle, which was just as well. The old, magnificent building wouldn't have been easy to hide with spells, not to mention the hundred-something students that flocked to its gates every September second. As she neared the thatch, her eyes trickled with small, barely visible tears; she'd miss her friends, her teachers, even her easy shags.

The gates to Thornbury creaked open, tall and menacing as they once were artistic and graceful.

"G'bye" she whispered.

OoO

"OI!"

The large, flamboyantly purple triple-decker bus stopped directly beside her, to which she responded by dropping her trunk, her wand and a fistful of cusses.

"Welcome to the Knight bus—"

"For fucksake!" Lily exclaimed "What are you playing at? Trying to murder me, are you?"

"Uh…no-" the man cleared his throat, "My name's Albert Shunpike—"

"I don't give a flying fuck what your name is, what _I_ want" she said, stepping forward and jabbing a finger at his chest "is to know why you parked that fairy-colored monster _directly in front of me_!!" She screeched.

Albert winced "Didn't you call for us, miss?"

"I most certainly did not!" Lily snapped, "Why would I want a flaming purple box to extract shavings from the tip of my nose?"

"You're not stranded, then?"

"_No_—well, define 'stranded'" Lily picked up her trunk.

Albert smirked and raised a brow, "Even if I was," Lily said with narrowed eyes, "I wouldn't call for you"

"Did you raise you wand? With your wand-hand, that is?"

"Well I needed some light—"

"Then you called us" he said, picking up her trunk and hurtling into the bus "Come in, come in. We haven't got all day, y'know. The Hogwarts express leaves precisely at eleven." he bustled quickly onto the bus, despite the early hour and the misty dawn.

Lily hopped onto the bus.

"S'aright, Ern. Just another confused one, but I handled it" Albert called to a the driver, a balding man with a long thin nose and large blinking eyes behind a pair of gigantic glasses.

"Ar" said Ernie, tugging a long gear and starting the bus.

BOOM!!

Lily flung back onto a bed close by, bouncing atop it as she lay panting and clutching her heart.

"Welcome to the Knight Bus, "Albert said, his cheeks rosy; finally Lily noticed he was barely a handful of years older than her, "emergency transport for any stranded witch or wizard, my name's Albert Shunpike and I'll be your conductor for his evening—or, rather, this morning"

He offered her a hand, which she took "Thanks Albert" Lily said, shaking his hand "My name's Lily"

She paid her fee and took up a newspaper that was tucked under the mattress, interestedly examining the headline that read,

**You-Know-Who Makes an Appearance **

Bellow it was a full page picture of a man—or what she supposed was a man, who looked like all life had been sucked from him, his cheeks were sunken as much as his eyes, but the flawless nature of the skin made him look almost serpentine. As he narrowed his eyes at the picture and smiled, his features became even more grotesque and menacing and he threw his head back and laughed, his mane of black hair fanning about behind him like a demonic halo.

"Merlin!" Lily gasped "He's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle!"

Albert gasped, "Don't say that!" he whispered urgently, ripping the paper from her hands and tucking it under the mattress again.

"He's got people everywhere" he whispered in warning.

The few minutes it took for the Knight Bus to reach London, and then a dark alley beside King's Cross, were silent ones. Albert seemed too shaken to continue having a light chat and kept stealing worried little glances in her way, and Lily was just too bloody tired, it _was_ barely five in the morning.

Finally, they let her off.

"Take care of yourself" said a grave Albert.

"You too," she said "And uh, watch out for those spies"

"I will" he waved and with another BOOM! he was off.

"Thank Merlin" Lily breathed.

OoO

As soon as she'd arrived in King's Cross, she collapsed onto the nearest bench. She was , in a word, knackered. It was a quarter past six and she was expected at eleven. She wove in and out of sleep, occasionally waking and paying for a shilling's worth of chocolate at a neighboring Sweets shop. Soon after though, she'd return to merciful sleep with her cheeks caked in maroon goo. Lovely.

She was submerged in one of these delirious chocolate-induced comas when she was rudely shaken and whacked over the head with a wand.

" 'Ello? 'ELLOOOOOOO!!!!" whack. whack. whack. "Wake up!!"

Lily rubbed her eyes with one fist and beat away the offending arm with the other.

"Whazzrongwifuuuuu!!!!!!" she exclaimed.

"Is this you?" the girl asked, shoving a moving photograph of Lily , smiling and happily exhibiting her new nipple piercing.

"Yes!" Lily said, snatching the picture and shoving it into her pocket with a blush, "how'd you get it?"

"Huh? Oh, my cousin" the girl said, tucking a chunk of hair behind an ear, "My name's Marlene"

Lily raised a brow and glanced at her hair, sure enough, its circumference could fill the tank of a small, well, tank.

"My name's—"

"Lily, I know. Will you get up? We've barely got five minutes" Marlene said, picking up a discarded chocolate wrapper, "Fancy these, do you?"

"Well—"

"It looks as though you've eaten about half your weight in chocolate," she said matter-a-fact-ly, "what you trying to do, became wider than you are tall?"

"No—"

"Come on, move on, move on!!!" she shoved Lily forward, faster and faster until they came to a halt in front of a solid-looking wall between platforms nine and ten.

"What _are_ you doing?" Marlene huffed, clearly peeved "We'll miss the bloody train!" suddenly, she pushed Lily forward , trunk and all into the very solid-looking wall, muggles be dammed.

Lily screeched and prepared herself for the impact when she realized, it never came. She went straight through the wall and into , it seemed, the Hogwarts Express platform.

"Finally!" exclaimed Marlene behind her, "Scared, were you?"

"No" Lily snapped "Were you?"

Marlene shook her massive red locks, smiling slightly. Marlene was, literally, cute as a button. Small, pert nose, freckled cheeks , bright brown eyes and a smart mouth, she was most definitely a McKinnon.

"Follow me!" she said, "I've got a compartment reserved"

"Really?"

"No" Marlene snickered "But, I know it's empty"

"Why's that?' Lily fluted her trunk into the Express, just as the whistle howled and the families waved good byes.

"Well, truthfully, It's the Shagging compartment—not that I want to shag you, mind you—but, they'll leave us alone"

Lily shrugged and smirked, it seemed they'd already pinned her for the tart she was.

As the train lurched to a start, Marlene and Lily marched forward, or rather, backward into the depths of the most obscure compartments.

Marlene kept ducking her head into them and conversing, though sometimes she was neither welcome nor appreciated.

"Mummy took me snorkeling in Barbados over the holiday," continued a stunningly beautiful girl, as if she hadn't seen Marlene's grotesquely large bob of hair in the doorway,

"Really? The closest I've ever come to snorkeling was that time I hiccupped and swallowed my inhaler" Marlene commented excitedly.

Lily snorted and covered her mouth in laughter.

"Ew, McKinnon, get out!" the girl spat, "Who told you you could barge in here like we wanted your company?"

"Apologies, Apologies" tittered Marlene, sliding the compartment door closed.

"Desdemona Zabinni" snickered Marlene "Muck with her not," she warned, wagging a finger in her direction, "Or rather, muck, muck and muck. It's awful fun"

They continued a ways until they reached a compartment next to the last compartment; Marlene pushed the door open,

"Here we are—oh, no sorry."

"Marly!" a voice boomed, "We missed you!"

"Will you join us?" asked a gentle voice.

"Sorry boys, on official business" she puffed out her chest importantly.

"Oh?"

"Transfer student" Marlene explained, shoving Lily into the compartment, "Her name's Lily"

"They're the Marauders" and, oh, what a beautiful bunch of marauders they were.

OoO

**AN:**

**Nice, innit? Been in my mind for a while. Tell me what you fink, will you?**


	2. The Wanker Called James

**The Wanker Called James**

**An: The title says it all nay? **

**Oh, and before I forget;**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or the bands mentioned in this chapter. I am, however, planning on a bahamavention. See you. **

"Lily, eh?" He smirked "I'm Sirius. Seriously. And you are one fine-looking bird" he finished; extending his hand to shake hers as he gracefully flicked back a portion of his silky mane.

Lily regarded him coolly "I know I am" she commented.

"Ignore him" said another, the soft-spoken one, with a lightly irritated tone "He does these types of things whenever he gets a chance. I'm Remus" his hands were very warm and soft, almost like a woman's.

"P-p-pe-pe-p-Pet-t-t-er P-p-pe-t-t-t-ti-ti-ti-grew" Peter barely reached her torso in height and he had the rounded look of one whom was exceedingly well-fed; in his favor though, his child-like stuttering and plump cheeks made him look as adorable as a Boticelli angel.

Or perhaps, that was because he was sitting next to a fourth compartment user, a rather well-shaped muscled individual with dark, brooding hair and crossed forearms. He was facing the window, watching attentively as the scenery flew past with a dizzying speed.

"That's James" said Marlene loudly "Don't mind his prick-like rudeness; he's just got dumped."

'James' turned to face Marlene with narrowed eyes and a grimace of monumental proportions "Don't flatter yourself McKinnon, I dumped _you_" he spat.

Marlene smirked "True," she breathed with a smile "But that was in April, James. Get over it"

James was visibly fuming, his fists clenched. Lily's sneer of triumph for Marlene was quickly replaced with well-hidden awe at the sheer beauty of this _James_.

He had hair long enough to tickle his earlobes that would sway and flop silkily onto his face, dark as pitch. Two piercings, one gracing an eyebrow, the other on the left of his bottom lip, which he sucked into his mouth in annoyance. The odd irony of his round, silver framed glasses balancing by sheer will on the tip of his proud nose was more attractive than disconcerting. Just as his eyes, which were a deep and oddly glowing chocolaty brown. He was, in a word; shagable.

Yet here was Marlene, denying him.

"I'm _not _brooding!" he exclaimed, "I just don't like you!"

"Right," Marlene said in a sarcastic tone, "And My great-aunt Phyllis didn't try to molest you" she continued.

James raised his hands in anger and pushed Marlene into Lily to get to the door, slid it open, and stomped out of the compartment like an impertinent child.

"That was a tad bit mean Marly," Sirius said slyly "But well-deserved, he's been acting like a fairy for _ages_."

Lily snorted.

"Oh, the irony" sighed Remus, taking a seat beside the long-haired fellow.

"Of what?" he asked.

"_You_ calling someone a fairy" Remus crossed his arms "Isn't that just a little hypocritical?"

"Nah," Sirius lightly pecked Remus on the cheek "I'm no fairy!"

Marlene's face softened, and she took a seat beside Peter, who was averting his eyes out the window, and she motioned Lily to sit next to her.

Lily's expression hadn't changed, though she said "Get a room, will you? Have you not any consideration for us single people?"

Sirius burst into bark-like laughter as he slapped his thigh.

"I believe that is a no, Lily" Remus interrupted politely.

Lily smiled at him, accepting the subtle invitation of friendship.

OoO

"So, do you like Muggle bands, then?"

"M-m-mu-ug-g-gles ha-v-ve ban-n-ds-s?" Peter stuttered in confusion.

"Yes" Sirius said, annoyed, "Of course they do! They have…uh..."

"Led Zeppelin," Lily supplied eagerly "The Beatles. You've heard of them, right?"

Sirius snorted arrogantly "I think you mean Lead Zippolin and the _Dung _Beatles, classic wizard bands"

"No, no, no." Lily denied politely, "Those are muggle bands!"

"B-b-u-b-ut t-th-the-r-re aa-a-ren'-t-t-t Mu-g-g-g-le ban-d-s-s" interrupted Peter .

"There are too!" Lily exclaimed "What are _Zippolins_ anyway?"

"Giant wizard aircraft form the early 20th century" Remus said, his nose buried in a book titled Your Dog and You: a Guide to Training "S' miracle no Muggle ever saw them. I actually think one crashed into a tree in Germany, sometime in 1908…massive involvement from the Ministry. We had to convince the Germans that _they_ had built the crafts in the fist plac—"

"Shut up, Remus. Honestly, who cares?" Sirius snapped "it was a dumb broom with a wonky handle. End of story."

Remus rolled his eyes and returned to his book.

"Have you heard of the Sex Pistols?" Lily tried .

Again, Sirius snorted, "You mean the Sex Wands? Yea, they're my favorite band. All wizards, though. 'Cept for Paul, he's a pansy"

Lily sighed in annoyance and crossed her arms against her chest "_You're_ a pansy, Sirius."

Sirius snickered , "Am not, tell 'er about the time I decked Dumbledore, Peter"

Marlene, who'd been resting against Lily's shoulder, suddenly shook from her sleep.

"_You?_" she exclaimed skeptically, "Never."

Lily tapped her chin, "What about the Rolling Stones?" she addressed Sirius, "You must've heard of _them_"

"The Rolling Stones?" Sirius scratched his hairless jaw line in thought "No…I don't think I've heard of them—ah! Yes, you mean _The Tumbling Pebbles_. Yea, great band. Lead singer married my mum's niece, once, twice, who knows? Point is, you're wrong, I'm right and…here's James to confirm it"

Sure enough, James tugged the door open with a grimace of distaste, as if he'd swallowed a mouthful of rotten milk.

"Oh," he glowered "_You're_ still here" James took a seat beside Remus, next to the window and as far from Marlene as possible.

"Of course I am you berk, where else would I be?" she leaned back against the leather seat.

"I dunno…uh maybe, not _here_!!" he glared at her furiously "Don't you have friends of your own?"

"Merlin, James, grow up, will you? They're my friends too"

James grumbled and turned to face the window. Remus tentatively lowered his book and addressed Lily,

"Do you read much?" he asked.

"Oh, yes." Lily said eagerly "I particularly enjoy Muggle authors, though—"

"Again with the Muggles!" Sirius exclaimed "They don't have _everything _better you know. Our bands are the best!"

"Yo-u-u-ou-u t-t-t-e-te-t-ell he-er S-s-s-si-s-irius!" Peter stuttered passionately.

"Oh, drop it already, Sirius!" Lily threw a chocolate wrapping at his head "I already gave up, didn't I?"

"What are you on about?" James snapped.

"Lily says Muggle bands are better—"

"Did not—"

"Is there a band called The Beatles?" Sirius asked arrogantly.

"The _Dung_ Beatles, you mean?" James asked.

"Or the Sex Pythons?"

"It's _Pistols_, Sex _Pistols_!" Lily corrected violently.

"No" snorted James "It's the Sex Wands. What in the name of fuck is a pistol, anyway?"

"What about the Rolling Stones?"

James ran a hand through his hair, "I don't think there's such—oh! The Tumbling Pebbles? They're the dogs' bollocks, fan-_fuckin_g-tastic"

"Watch your language," chided Marlene "You sound like the pig you really are"

James growled in anger , "Why you—"

"She says they're all Muggle bands" Sirius interrupted.

"Are you stupid?" James spat, facing the redhead who flushed under his angry scrutiny "Who the fuck _are_ you, anyway? What are you doing here?"

"Sitting" Lily said, with equal venom, "Or are you too retarded to see my arse is on the seat?"

"What the _fuck_—"

"Oh, Sod this for a lark!" Remus interrupted, pushing off the seat and flying out of the compartment.

"Look what you've done _now_, James." Sirius said, running after him.

"S'not my fault!" exclaimed James, "It's this nameless sodding cow—"

"Why don't say to my face, fuck-face?" Lily screeched.

"OI!" Marlene yelled, stepping between them before they could engage in war, "BREAK IT UP YOU AGRAVATING SODS!!"

Lily huffed and shoved her hands into her pockets, sitting back down.

James, after glaring, did the same.

"Look, I'm sorry you feel so dismal after breaking up with me" Marlene said in a delicately wound up tone "But really James, how pathetically childish can you get? You don't even know her name"

"And Lily, next time, just ignore the bastard. He does this type of rubbish all the time"

James sneered, "So it's Lily, then. S' ironic you should be named after a flower"

"Why don't you shut your face before I do it for you, you shitstain?" Lily snapped in warning.

James smiled triumphantly, "So polite, too".

OoO

Lovely snow flittered about her, flurries of grays and whites, each with its own unique beauty, each with its own story. She felt herself glow in awe; it had been years since her last snowfall.

Marlene, Remus and Sirius led her to the front of the short crowd, searching for a carriage, they said; James lingered in the back of them, as if not wanting to be associated. But when she finally caught sight of the transport, she gasped in terror, those creatures! Large, horse-like and black as coal, their skin like glossy serpentine scales, their eyes as red as fresh-spilt blood. They seemed to be regarding her.

"What are they?!" Lily shook Marlene, pointing at the things, "They're so…so…"

"What are you talking about, Lily?" Marlene pulled her closer to the creatures, "Come on, Lily. We need to get into the carriage before those pesky first-years come to molest Sirius"

"No!" Lily rooted her feet in the ground "I'm not going!!"

Marlene tugged on her arm with more force. Suddenly, James was at her side.

"Stop being stupid, newbie" James shoved Marlene aside and dragged Lily into the carriage "They're just Threstals."

When inside, Lily regained her fire, "Who asked _you_?"

James rolled his eyes and sneered.

"Careful," Marlene warned lightly, "your face might stay that way. I mean, look at Snape"

James narrowed his eyes but his mouth turned up in an odd, half-smirk.

The carriage lurched forward.

"Thank Merlin" Remus breathed "I thought the holiday would never be over"

Lily regarded him strangely and he smiled "I like Hogwarts an awful lot," he said "It provides more comfort than a lot of things, you'll see" he continued in his somber tone.

"Oi, where's Pete?" Sirius cut in, "Did we loose him again?"

"Seems like it" Marlene said.

She and Sirius shared a look, then, simultaneously punched the air with their fists, "YEA!!"

"What, did I miss something?" Lily laughed.

"You see Lily," Remus began with a smile, "If Peter had been here, he would've related his holiday stories, all boring, all terribly depressing"

"Which, as you can imagine, due to his feverish, freakish, abnormally frequent stuttering problem, would take him ages" Sirius sighed "Again, thank Merlin"

"Don't be put off, Lily. We wont be so eager to ditch _you_" Marlene assured.

"Oh no, _never_—"

"So, who did you see die, Lily?" James interrupted, staring at her form across the racketing carriage.

Lily flushed, "What makes you think I saw anyone die—"

"It's the only way one can see Threstals, newbie" he continued calmly.

Lily's eyes glazed, her face loosing color and turning ashen "It's none of your business, you annoying, disrespectful wanker"

"Well said," Remus glared at James, "that was low, James. Even for you."

Yet the deed was done. She was shaken, and they all knew; she was hiding something.

OoO

Lily was pulled aside before they reached the gates of Hogwarts, the tall, skinny woman, immaculately wrapped in a pristine emerald set of robes and a tight, painful looking bun, addressed her by her last name and asked her to do the same.

"Miss Evans, please, come with me" the woman said with an authoritative tone "I'm Professor McGonagall, Head of Gryffindor House and Hogwarts' only Transfiguration teacher."

The woman gave her a look, as if ordering her to introduce herself in the same manner,

"I'm Lily Evans, former student of Thornbury Magic Academy, and uh, resident red-head"

The Professor's gaze lingered on her nose ring, which she'd refused to remove, despite the warnings of the pestilent Madame Poisson.

"I would see you remove that piece of jewelry from your nostril, Miss Evans" she warned, "I find it not the least bit attractive"

"No, I imagine you find it repulsive, Professor" Lily smiled, "I wasn't aware that nostril jewelry was against the rules"

"It isn't" McGonagall bit out, "I merely do not like it"

"Oh" Lily batted her eyelashes innocently "Well, that's too bad."

McGonagall gave her a tight-lipped smile and pulled her forcefully into a passage way, hidden behind a large, tastefully gory tapestry.

"Now we haven't much time, Miss Evans. Put this on" from her pocket she extracted an old tattered hat.

"Do you not like my hair, Professor?" she asked cheekily.

McGonagall regarded her coolly until she pulled the hat atop her head.

Almost instantaneously, the hat burst into speech "Another Gryffindor, Minerva. Older than usual, isn't she?"

"She's a transfer" McGonagall explained with an odd twinkle of triumph in her eye, "Gryffindor, you say? Very well, welcome Miss Evans. I can say, with confidence that you've been accepted to the best of the Houses"

Lily smiled.

"Yet I have one more thing to say, Miss Evans, so listen well. Do not presume that your actions at your previous school will be so easily forgotten. We will watch for you, all the staff" McGonagall looked at her with an intimidating intensity.

Lily knew, the professor meant something entirely different than shagging.

OoO

The excitement of the returning feast was replaced with the lazy sleepiness of a mass of people who've eaten a tad bit over their limit. The novelty of the new student, temporally postponed to the following morning. Lily was happily trudging after her new friends, admiring the moving portraits that greeted her as she moved up the stairs; witches with years' worth of mold on their cauldrons, Macbeth, that wonky fellow from Hans and Gretel and one of Hades' devils. All quite friendly, despite the history.

When they entered the Common room, Lily wasn't tired yet. So after giving her instructions to her dormitory, Marlene sleepily bid her a good night.

The redhead spied a familiar head in an armchair by the fire, and went to keep Remus company. Occasionally he would fleetingly glance behind him, as if keeping watch.

"Lily" he greeted her pleasantly, "I see you're not an early sleeper either"

Lily eyed the spot behind Remus, where she was sure she could catch glimpses of Sirius's mouth grazing the shoulder of a fellow Gryffindor girl.

"Somehow I doubt that's why you're here, if you don't mind me saying so" she said.

Remus smiled sadly and glanced behind him, "Ah, Dorcas Meadowes" he breathed "bane of my existence, it seems"

"Is he your first boyfriend?" Lily asked.

Remus turned back to her with a quirky smile, "It's odd that I find your query so disconcerting, but of course, to date a bloke, I must be gay" he tapped his chin "Yet, I'm not. I find you as attractive as any other hormonal sod there is out there would."

Lily blushed, "Then?"

"I'm just…" again, his face turned into an expression of bittersweetness "in love with Sirius"

"Oh" Lily smiled "that's just…heart-wrenching, Remus."

"I don't normally tell this to everyone, you know" he said , looking at her as if she were a new shilling, shining and special "I have an odd feeling that we'll be very good friends"

Lily smiled widely "Me too. Though, I've never been much good with Divination"

"It's a rubbish subject anyway" Remus patted her shoulder.

"True," she leaned forward and grabbed his palm, "I may yet murder you and make you into a proper fairy stew, though"

"I'm no fairy!" he protested, and Lily laughed.

"So, what's the story between James and Marlene?" Lily asked.

"Why do you ask?" Remus smirked "You interested?"

Lily grimaced, with true disgust "No, simply curious."

"Oh, well then. Marly always been a part of the Marauders in one way or another. I mean, she's dated the lot of us, including Peter, but that was back in fist year and it barely lasted an hour before the stuttering got to her, so it hardly counts"

Lily snickered, "So what of James?"

"He fell to the McKinnon Magic last February, on Valentine's day, no less. That soft-lad is softer than me, for Pete's sake. Anyway, they dated, you know, the usuals. Until, of course, James reached his benchmark"

"Benchmark?"

"Two months is the longest a _true_ Marauder may date, or so says the code"

"So he broke up with her?" Lily asked, leaning forward in her chair.

"Yes. He broke up with her"

"That bastard"

"Well, yes. But in calling him a bastard you call us all bastards for making the code."

Lily regarded him, "That _bastard_" she repeated.

Remus smirked , "To make a rather pointless story longer, Marly was distraught, but she being who she is, bounced back quite rapidly and began dating another bloke…a dishy one , so I'm told…Amos something or other" Remus took a breath , "Anyway, he's been hear-broken ever since"

Lily rolled her eyes.

Remus smiled, "Yes, I always thought James was enough of a pansy for all of us"

Lily chortled "Oh, honestly Remus, we're worse than a sewing circle! Making all this gossipy fuss"

"I told you I was soft"

After their laughter died, fading slowly away like the embers in the fire, then, Remus looked back at Sirius, still engaged with that Dorcas Meadowes, bane of his existence.

Lily rubbed his shoulder comfortingly.

"He does love me, you know" he assured her, more so for himself than anyone "He just…forgets sometimes"

OoO

**AN: This is my first time referring to Sirius and Remus as anything remotely gay, and, before anyone asks, this is as far as it will go. If Remus was ever really in love with Sirius and vise versa, their feelings would've changed as they got out of school since, they suspected each other of treachery, remember? I though this was touching in a bittersweet way. If you're offended by it, really, you need to do some soul searching and go fuck yourself. Gay people rock, even more so it its Sirius and/or Remus. **

**(On my behalf, I'm still not really a Remus/Sirius fan. This is more so to test if I can do it, than for pure love of the pairing. If it were up to me, I'd make them a threesome, sandwiching myself between them. Ha! I'm a tart.) **

**Anyway, didya like it? **


	3. Potter's a Pervert, Potter's a Prick,

**Potter's a Pervert, Potter's a Prick, Potter Trips over a Candlestick**

**AN: Sorry this took sooooooo long, but I feeling a wee bit uninspired. However, if its at all consoling, I now know who Lily saw die. **

The dawn tickled the tips of her toes, a gentle whisper of a touch that made her recoil. Groaning softly, she began to prepare her mind for the probing of consciousness, as she did every other morning, by steadily repeating a waking mantra, _fuck, shite, bugger, its morning, wake up Lily, wake up, for fucksake, its morning wake up wake up wake up…_ She stretched and rubbed her eyes with the butt of her palms, all the while cursing her light sleep. What a horrid night, she complained internally, plagued by dreams of glossy black stallions and fish-like genitalia.

"_Urgh_" she shuddered, blinking open a bleary eye, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!"

"Mornin'!" Marlene chirped cheerily, her bright, brick-red hair reflecting the stray flecks of sunlight that filtered through the curtains, "Better get up, it's almost seven"

"Bloody 'ell, Marlene!" Lily snapped, clutching at her heart, "Geroff!"

Marlene pushed herself off the foot of Lily's covers "Does this bother you?" she asked, cocking her head.

"Yes!" Lily cried, crawling out of fetal position and shoving off the covers like snakes.

"Good" Marlene snapped, "You're _supposed_ to wake up at six thirty"

"Oh, sod off, McKinnon." Lily droned from the door of the bathroom, charming her toothbrush to clean her teeth, "ISh oooonnly meee firsht dayyy!" she said through the froth of the toothpaste.

Marlene smirked widely, "Hasten up, my sweet!" she called, "Meet you in the common room!"

"_Fuck_ you!"

OoO

"Good morning, Miss Lily" Sirius bowed and took up her hand, brushing it against his lips "You're looking quite lovely,"

"What are you, mental?" Lily snapped "It's _never_ a good morning"

Remus covered his mouth to hide his smile, "I don't believe this is the opportune time for foreplay, Sirius"

"Shame…" he sighed, "I do enjoy my foreplay before breakfast"

Lily crossed her arms and huffed "It's too bad your sense of humor hasn't much improved" she rubbed her temples "Where _is_ that girl?"

"Not since yesterday, no" Sirius chuckled, "Wait…_oi_!"

"Marlene you mean?" Remus smirked "She's gone to breakfast"

"_Wha_—that whore" Lily shoved her hands into her pockets.

Remus chortled.

The three bustled to breakfast together, bickering like old friends.

"What do you mean my sense of humor hasn't improved?" Sirius cried indignantly "I've a great sense of humor!"

"Really" Lily commented dryly.

"Yes" he shook out his hair.

"Prove it" Lily challenged, "Make me laugh"

"Now that's not fair" Sirius protested,

"Why's that?" Lily smirked superiorly.

"We have very different tastes in comedy, what I may find funny, may not make _you_ laugh" Sirius gestures vaguely with his left hand, "For example," suddenly his wand was in his right hand and he conjured a mirror to float in front of her "I think this is funny".

Remus burst out laughing, watching happily as the redhead chased Sirius down the corridor, mirror in her grasp as she aimed and threw it at him , "Oh, yea?" she cried "I hope your dong bends the wrong way!"

Finally, as her palms fell to her knees and she panted, she thought she heard Remus mutter out of the corner of his mouth, "It does".

OoO

Breakfast was a trivial affair, for the exception of the new encounter with the Prince of Angst himself, it mainly consisted of shoveling down conspicuous amounts of food before the bell rang. By the time Lily and Remus arrived in the Great Hall, Marlene was already well into her breakfast, a novel and another argument.

"-if you'd just stop being such a _pansy_—"

"See, Prongs? Stop being a pansy. New fing, really, it's called 'being the better man', ever heard of it?" Sirius stuffed a forkful of eggs into his mouth "Oi! This is _good_…"

"Shut up, Sirius!" James barked, flinging small bits of jam along with his spit, "You're being no help, as usual!"

Sirius grunted and dove back into his eggs, enthusiastically grabbing a spoon to aid him in his quest to swallow as much of the saintly meal as possible.

"Ll—le-e-ee-a-a-aa-ve-eve Ja-a-a-me-e-es A-l-l-on-nn-e, Ma-r-r—l-yly!!" Peter banged a fist into the table, his face contorting with effort "He-e-e-es-s jj-j-j-jj-j-j-u-uu-u—"

"How 'bout you just shut the _fuck_ up, Wormtail. You're going to get stuck in one of those fits and never proceed" Sirius munched on a spare bit of toast "No offense"

Peter lowered his head, his cheeks rosy.

"Don't listen to him, Pete." Remus said warmly, "Sirius is just a mangy mutt is all—"

Peter snapped his head up, tears like crystals glistening in his child-like eyes "Oh sh-h-u-u-t-t u-u-u-pp-p y-y-o-o-uu-u-u ar-rseba-a-an-n-d-d-it!!!" he screeched, pushing his plate forward and running out of the Hall. Many eyes followed his departure, making sure to glare at Remus before returning to their meals.

Remus looked to be taken aback, but quickly shrugged and sat down, "What's this little spat all about then?" he asked cheerfully.

Marlene glared at the doors of the Great Hall voiding her attention from the conversation, "Huh?"

"She wants me to be _'chipper'_ and '_pleasant'_" James growled, moodily picking at his breakfast with a fork.

"You're right" Lily said, snatching a piece of toast from his plate and buttering it, "Too much of an effort"

"Who _asked _you, new girl?" James snapped, "I can't even remember inviting you to sit with us"

Lily shrugged "I like to voice my opinion whenever possible" she told him, "And _you_ didn't, Remus did"

"One day and I've already grown tired of your voice" James groaned, massaging tenderly the space between his eyes where his glasses rested, "It's so…soo…"

"You've a wonderful way with words, James."

"Fuck off, will you, Marlene? Please?"

"You're welcome to leave" Lily said, flipping her hair back, "Actually, I recommend it"

James ground his fist into his palm and glared, "As are you, tit-head" he barked.

"Oi!" Sirius interrupted, "Peter left his eggs…_Merlin_, these are _good_!"

Marlene chuckled, "Ahh, true love"

Remus smiled "Never get between a man and his eggs" he blushed "Well, unless you're into that sort of thing"

James turned to look at Remus with a look of incredulity in his face "Do my ears deceive me, or was that sexual innuendo I heard?"

"Your ears've deceived you" Remus said quickly, covering his face with his hands.

"Is that a smile, James m'dear?" Marlene clasped her hands in her lap happily.

"Gone are the clouds and the self-induced angst" Lily exclaimed monotonously, reaching for a second piece of toast, "Lets hold hands and praise, Hallelujah!"

"Was that French?" Sirius asked "I can't speak French"

Lily snorted "Not exactly, Sirius. It was more…well…it's…ah…"

"You've a wonderful way with words, new bird" mocked James in a high-pitched tone.

"It's Evans," Lily hissed "And nevermind Sirius, it's just a muggle phrase"

"Ah" Sirius cupped his chin, "Huh?"

Remus rubbed his shoulder "Let it go, Padfoot, let it go"

OoO

Slughorn's class was a pain the arse from every angle. It was a pain in the arse for the senior students (whose success was mainly determined by the fame of their lineage) and it was in a pain in the arse for Lily, whom had no celebrated lineage or, people skills to speak of.

Fist day, third period. And she thought it couldn't get worse.

"Good morning, my potion pioneers!" Slughorn stroked his 'stash with enthusiastic vigor, "Today you'll find a list of ingredients on the board behind me. I would like to inquire your exact opinion on it— yes, Miss McKinnon? Is it possible you've foreseen the point of my lesson so quickly?" his small, glinting eyes narrowed slightly and his voice gained a slight edge; Marlene, to say the least, was not one of his favorites. In fact, she was only second to James, who'd managed to empty the contents of his Rid-the-Rigor Mortis potion on Slughorn's collection of aged Crystallized Pineapple back in third year.

"Oh, no Professor. The point of your lesson still eludes me" Marlene piped up happily, to which the wide professor seethed, "I just wanted to call attention to my new friend—"

"_Shut up, Marlene_!" Lily hissed.

"Lily Evans. She's a transfer"

"Oh, delightful!" Slughorn motioned Lily forward from beside Marlene; "I'll just write you up a record, shall I?" he smiled.

"To the rest of you," Slughorn pointed to the board, "List the ingredients missing and brew the potion"

"Come, come, Miss Lily" Slughorn took a seat behind his desk, pulling forth a quill and a bottle of ink.

"Lily Evans you said, correct?"

"Yes, sir"

"No need to be so stiff, Miss Evans. I won't bite" he chuckled.

"Of that I'm not too sure" Lily muttered, eyeing the man's rather large midsection.

"I've excellent hearing, Miss Evans" Slughorn informed her, scribbling something onto her record, "Years of practice as the Head of Slytherin house,"

"Ah" Lily raised her brow in a poor imitation of interest, "Is that so, sir?" she mocked.

"Yes," Slughorn took a deep breath, "Are you of the Hamburg Evanses? The influential family responsible for the modern sneakoscope?"

"No" Lily said nonchalantly "I'm of the Little Whinging Evanses" she droned, examining her bitten nails, "We are the very influential family responsible for the modern dildo"

Slughorn regarded her in silence, his mustache twitching along with his right nostril. Suddenly, he threw his head back and hollered a rumbling laugh.

"Ah," he wiped a tear from his eye, "I have not laughed like that since…well, a long time"

Lily bowed her head, as if accepting applause.

Slughorn chuckled "Your sarcasm would've been well-adjusted in Slytherin," he said.

"I'd rather swallow a cauldron full of Stinksap, but thank you." she said.

Again, Slughorn laughed.

He guided her to her seat, "You're still responsible for the assignment, Miss Evans" Slughorn said cheerfully, "Even if you _do_ belong to such a prominent family"

Lily started to gather the ingredients, grumbling and muttering under her breath when she noticed Marlene was red in the face, her mouth set in a derisive scowl and her cauldron bubbling.

"What is it, Marly?" Lily asked.

She pointed at James's head in front of them, which was propped against his palm, a lazy smile of enjoyment spread across his face. His table shook.

"Is—is there someone under there?" Lily asked, incredulously.

"Not just 'someone', a girl someone" Marlene scowled, "I hate it when he does this," she glared at the visible spot under his chair, where they could just barely get a glimpse of a skirt on its knees.

"Is-is—is she—"

"Yea." Marlene seethed, "Someone should pay him for his whoring, honestly."

Lily spluttered in her seat, ingredients sprawled atop the wooden surface. She looked at Sirius, who was sitting beside James, snickering.

Marlene returned her attention to her potion, which was supposed to have turned a lively shade of orange, yet was trudging close to a dirt-green. She sighed, angrily flipping the page of her potions textbook for answers.

Lily snarled the back of James's head, then dug into her bag, pulling from it a piece of parchment and a self-inking quill.

_POTTER_, she wrote, _DO YOU THINK YOU COULD GATHER UP YOUR TART AND LEAVE? BEFORE I CUT OFF YOUR DANGLY BITS, THAT IS?_

She looked about and hurled it at the back of his head before Slughorn turned around.

James whipped his head around and glared at her, which she was kind enough to reply with an extended middle finger.

"What did it say, Lily?" Marlene asked anxiously as she watched James read the note, shove it away slightly and throw his head back in ecstasy.

With a sort of drunken stupor, he grasped his quill and replied, handing the note to Sirius and returning to his earlier position.

_Jealous, are you?_

Marlene snatched the note and scribbled onto it furiously,

**_JAMES POTTER, HAVE YOU NO SHAME?? THAT GIRL HAS A BLOOMIN' BOYFRIEND!!_**

Marlene didn't bother to look around and threw it as hard as she could,

"Oi!"

Marly smirked.

Again, as if completely wankered, James replied,

_Jealous, are you? _

To which she replied,

_JUMP UP MY ARSE, JAMES._

James snickered and rubbed the back of his head. He scribbled something onto the parchment before reaching under the table and gasping with pleasure.

_Been there, done that. _

OoO

"Parsnip, you said?"

"Yea." The girl blushed, twirling a strand of burnished blond hair between her fingers

"My mum's a tad bit…off, yea? Obsessed with growing things…condiments, herbs and such. My Great-Grand-dad owned an Apothecary in Wales, and ever since then every daughter's been named after a condiment, herb, flower…anything you can grow, really." She sighed, "Even my mum. Her name's Ginger"

"My name's Lily"

"Oh, is your family—"

"No—well, just me mum. Sister's names' Petunia, but we swore to end the tradition"

"_Lucky_—Oh, hello James" she blushed and held her books closer to her chest, while waving at him behind Lily.

"Making friends, are we Evans?" he asked casually.

"Yes, actually" Lily snapped, "What's it to you?"

James shrugged, "So, Parsnip. Great potion's lesson, eh?"

The girl looked mortified, glancing at Lily from the corner of her eye, "Y-yea."

James smiled; "I hope we can have another so…_entertaining_ sometime soon…" he reached out a hand to cup the girl's cheek, which Lily slapped away.

"She doesn't _want_ your company, Potter" Lily spat, "Why don't you learn to suck your own pecker and leave her out of it?"

Parsnip seemed to shrink into herself with embarrassment, but did not protest.

James narrowed his eyes, but smirked cockily nonetheless "Because, if I could do _that_, I'd never leave my dormitory," he began, "Besides, why should I deny her the pleasure?" he puckered his lips at Lily, turned around and sauntered into their next class.

Lily clenched and unclenched her fists, debating whether she should run after him and permanently impale his glasses into his face or answer the tart tugging at her sleeve.

"Yes?" she asked edgily.

"T-th-thanks" the girl stuttered, "You won't tell anyone—"

"No" she interrupted, "Do me a favor though, wont you?"

"Yea!" Parsnip exclaimed eagerly "Anything!"

Lily scowled at her, "Fuck off, yea?" she stomped into the classroom, but not before hissing "Slut"

OoO

"…so essentially, I thought you'd like to fuck me,"

"Excuse me?" Lily's attention was finally called back to the ranting annoyance beside her.

"Fuck me, shag me, pet my pecker" he examined his fingernails, "You know, the works" he smiled and winked "Thought I'd save you the trouble of asking,"

Lily's mouth dropped open, along with her forkful of mince pie, Marlene, across from her, had trouble controlling her sniggering.

"Who are you?" the redhead managed to choke out.

"Amos Diggory" he said, as if it were the most obvious fact known to man, "Hufflepuff Quidditch Capitan" he continued, "All around dishy fellow."

Lily raised a brow "What gave you the idea that I'd ask you to sleep with me?" she asked in a deadpan tone.

"_Fuck_ me," he corrected "I'd never _sleep_ with you luv," he ran a hand through his lacy, blond hair, smirking in a manner that spoke leagues of the size of his appendix.

"Fine." Lily snapped, her anger beginning to tint her cheeks a light pink "_Fuck_ you. Why would I want to _fuck you_?"

"I think you thought wrong, mate" Sirius chuckled, patting his back.

Amos smiled at him, "Nonsense!" he exclaimed, shrugging off Sirius' hand and turned to Lily, "You're good looking. I'm _undeniably_ good looking; it was only a matter of time before you asked"

Lily's eye twitched with anger,

"And you seemed like the impatient type so…" he shrugged "Thoughtful, aren't I?"

"And modest!" Marlene snorted at him.

Amos inclined his head at her, as if accepting her praise with king-like honor.

"So, my dear, what is _your_ name?" he tended his hand out to her.

Lily picked up her fork, glared at him and slapped dear old Diggory's arrogant mug.

The Gryffindor table howled and hooted with laughter as Lily watched Amos writhe on the floor, clutching his face and crying for his mummy.

"Definitely thought wrong, mate" Sirius patted his shoulder, "I'd say she thought you a bit conceited"

Perhaps Amos wouldn't have had to walk through the halls of Hogwarts with a fork-shaped imprint on his cheek had he had better timing. That had been perhaps the fourth strike on her day, one having been Potion's class, two having been Transfiguration, three having been her visit to the second floors' loo.

"Why did you not tell me there was a ghost living in the second floor loo, Marlene?"

"She's harmless" Marlene waved about vaguely with her spoon "Myrtle didn't do anything, did she?"

"Oh, nothing but scare the living shite out of me" Lily snapped, "She practically jumped up my arse!"

Sirius snorted "I'd like to've seen that" he said.

Remus rolled his eyes and whacked him over the head.

"How'd you figure that?" Marlene asked, still absorbed in her soup.

"Because I was pissing and she _jumped up through my arse_, _Marlene_" Lily hissed.

"Oi! No need to get so _shirty_ with me" Marly snapped "I've had an off day too!"

Remus smiled politely "Really? What happened?" sadly he played the part of Agony Aunt very well, indeed.

It seemed she hadn't been counting on anyone's concern, "Uhh…well, my quill snapped and…erm…I…got my monthlies!" she sounded altogether far too happy to have made a convincing argument, but as that was a purely Marlene-ish sort of thing to say, the lot of them were not at all put off.

"Oh," was all Remus said.

"Where's James, anyone know? That prick stole my Potion's textbook" Sirius asked, somewhat annoyed.

Remus, Lily and Marlene gave him a look of confusion which he was compelled to repair,

"S' got weed stashed in the inside cover" he explained.

The three made a sort of 'Oh' expression.

"He's sitting with that Parsnip broad" Marlene pointed down the table "Apparently she's dropped that Brown bloke to play with James's bits"

"Surprising" Remus droned sarcastically.

"At least he's not moping about like a little nancy-boy" Sirius said defensively "or did you want him to brood forever?" he snapped.

"Leave her alone!" Lily shoved his shoulder, "What's the matter with you?"

"I want my weed!" Sirius whined.

Remus chuckled and leaning across the table, shook Sirius' silky hair.

"You two are sickening" Marlene complained half-heartedly.

"Well, I'm off" Lily sighed, massaging the spot between her eyes tenderly.

"Tired?" Remus asked.

"More so than ever," she replied, swinging on her bag and dragging her feet out of the Great Hall.

OoO

Lily pressed a palm against her temple, nursing a growing headache with a testy patience. The hallway echoed with her steps, light softly cascading off the candles shoved unceremoniously into the nooks in the walls.

"What a day…" she murmured to herself and sighed.

What a place…it brought memories, that was true. Some she rather keep buried, some she rather not remember.

An owl hooted in the distance, and as she came to a window a pigeon cooed as a wolf howled, was it always this way in nature? Suddenly a wind coursed through the hall, extinguishing every warmth of light, every drop of sight. Lily's heart sped, her breath hitched.

Yes, memories indeed.

She hurried up the stairs, panting almost to the point of tears. Behind her she could hear a light patter of steps, like an eloquent killer.

"No!" she whispered, terrified, "No!"

Up, up and Up until she reached a landing, then up, up until her heart ached from the effort.

Pitter, patter, patter……"BOO!"

Lily screamed bloody murder, tears sprouting from the depths of her soul, "NO!!!"

A cruel laughter bubbled up from the darkness; the candles were lit once more.

_Potter_.

"Merlin, Evans" he snickered, "You sure you're a Gryffindor?" he laughed heartily, clutching his stomach.

Lily wiped at her cheeks angrily, "_FUCK_ YOU, POTTER!!" she pushed him down the stairs.

She heard the bones crack and chink against the stone steps.

"Fuckin'ell, Evans!" James groaned at the foot of the stairs, "You broke my sodding leg!"

OoO

Lily took him to the Hospital Wing, seething, but hiccupping lightly.

"What _happened_, Miss Evans?" Madam Pomfrey barked accusingly.

Lily hiccupped, "He tripped on a candlestick" she said.

OoO

**AN: **

**That last part is significant. The rest is just me having some fun, really. Parsnip is Lavender's mother, before anyone asks. I thought it was kind of obvious, like mother like daughter, eh?**

**Well, tell me what you thought, yea?**


	4. Slippery Slytherin

**Slippery Slytherin**

**AN: Hello! In this chappie we come closer to Lily's past, but not very, so bare with me. I lub u guyz. **

"T-t-t—t-e—t-e-t-e-te-t-te-t-t-er—r-r-r-oroor T-t-t—t-t—"

"_Time_! _Terror Time_, Peter!" Sirius exclaimed exasperatedly "For Merlin's sake!"

"Shut up, Sirius." James sighed, removing his glasses and cleaning them against his un- tucked shirttail, "Let's try that again, Peter"

Sirius groaned loudly and buried his face in his hands.

"Oh, honestly Padfoot!" Remus snapped, rolling up the parchment he'd been working on with distaste, "Have some patience, will you?"

Peter turned a lively shade of red and glared at Remus, clenching his fists. Noticing, Sirius narrowed his eyes at him,

"Have something to say, Peter?" he hissed "Out with it!"

Peter's face turned redder, veins were prominent at his temples where the clenching of his weak jaw became obvious.

Sirius's expression gained a sadistic satisfaction, "I don't hear anything, Pete"

"Merlin, Sirius!" James shoved him out of his seat, "For fucksake, leave him alone!"

"_No_!" shouted Sirius, "If he's got a problem he better say it or fuck off like the ninny he is!" Sirius got up from the floor and strode up to Peter until the plump boy's nose brushed against his chest, "How 'bout it, Wormy?" He leaned down and whispered fiercely in his ear, "How 'bout you call _me_ an arsebandit and find out what it feels like to get decked in the face?"

A sudden shuddering intake of breath escaped Peter as he backed off of Sirius; he stumbled to the door of the dormitory, patting the walls as if blind, white as his sheets.

"Peter don't—"

SLAM!

"Why'd you have to go and make 'im cry, Sirius?" James sunk into his bed, rubbing his aching leg, "Can't you see he's afraid of you?"

Sirius took a deep breath; his hair creating a sort of makeshift mask on his face, "He needs to sort out his priorities" was all he said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" James snapped "All he does is worship the ground you walk on!"

Sirius shrugged, "I never liked him,"

"That's no reason to threaten him, Sirius" Remus said softly, calmly crawling between his covers, "He's never done anything to you"

"No, not to _me_, no." Sirius sent him a significant look and snatched James's invisibility cloak from atop the chair, "I'll be back"

"Don't do anything stupid," James warned.

Sirius smirked "I'll try, mate."

OoO

"You lads were making an awful lot of noise last night," Marlene chirped from across the breakfast table, "I barely slept a wink"

"Apparently a wink was all you needed," Lily grumbled from beside her, massaging her eyes, "Pass the porridge, Potter" she snapped.

"There's no need to take a tone with me, you god-awful prude" James croaked sleepily, his bloodshot eyes blinking open in annoyance.

"Just pass it then, will you?" she asked.

"Fine." he slid the bowl over to her, nearly tipping it over.

"Oi!" She exclaimed, "What was that for, fuck-face?"

"My accidental trip down the stairs, Evans" he glared at her furiously.

"Well, that seems awfully unfair" Remus commented, sipping his tea, "Ahh, that's good"

"Nevermind that" Marlene waved a dismissive hand at Remus and faced James, "What were you up to?"

"Nothing much," James smirked and placed his palms behind his head, mussing his hair, "Just practicing a bit"

Lily snorted "That sounds rather kinky Potter; you Marauders finally formed a foursome?" Lily wriggled her eyebrows, playing the part of the shameless, boorish, pervert with an expert's hand.

Remus colored and slapped her arm lightly "Lily!" he chided "What an awful and completely incorrect thing to say!"

Lily smirked wryly and returned to her porridge with renewed interest, ignoring the increasingly more flushed looking Potter before her.

"Speaking of foursomes," Marlene said quickly, before James could have a chance to start another row, "Where's Peter and Sirius?"

"Sirius is sleeping," Remus said, "Snoring like the pig he is"

Lily sent Remus a smile teeming with innuendos, which he replied to by glaring and muttering "Randy much, Lily?"

"And Peter?" Marly continued, "Is he fanning him with a palm leaf or something of the like?"

"Actually, I wouldn't know" James said, biting cleanly into an apple "'haven't seen Peter since last night"

Remus nodded "S' true, he was gone by the time me and Prongs woke up" he scratched his chin, "Rather dodgy, wouldn't you say, Prongs? We're usually well into breakfast by the time Peter untangles himself from his sheets…" he snorted good-naturedly.

James smiled and nodded, delicately pinching his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger before returning to his apple.

Lily watched hungrily as James bit into the apple again, a drop of its juices concentrating around his tantalizing lip ring. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.

"Yes, Evans?" he raised a pierced brow with an arrogant knowing air, "You look just about ready to jump my bones"

"Don't flatter yourself, Potter" Lily snapped, snatching the apple from his grip and biting into it, "I'd jump anyone's bones right now"

She shouldered on her bag, kissing both Marlene and Remus on the cheek.

"See you, Potter" she said disdainfully.

Lily sauntered away with a significant wiggle to her step.

"Is she trying to seduce _me_?" James snorted, munching on his apple.

By the time the redhead reached the doors of the Great Hall, she had a fair few more companions than before.

"Not you _specifically_, mate" Remus smiled "She'd seduce _me_ if I weren't—you know"

Marly smiled knowingly "A prefect? Yea."

"Well I think the lass fancies me," James stretched and shrugged, "Happens all the time, you know"

Marlene rolled her eyes and stood, "I'm leaving" she stated.

James blinked up at her "Leave then," he said nonchalantly.

Shaking his head disappointedly, Remus reached for his bag and stood as well.

"Oi, Remus!" James called after him, yet, receiving no answer, turned back to his breakfast, "Prick," he muttered.

OoO

"And what have _you_ brought me, Miss Evans?" Slughorn looked ready to burst, his face bubbling with happiness as he wrung his hands in anticipation, "Mister Snape's been kind enough to brew a potion to cure baldness, however, I know I shall never need it!"

Lily eyed his thinning thatch of hair and said with a twinge of sarcasm, "I'm sure, sir." She kept her hands behind her back, as if withholding a rare treat. She decided to test the man's patience by letting her eyes wonder about his office, casually expressing interest in random objects.

"So?" Slughorn rubbed his meaty hands together greedily, "What is it?"

Lily rolled her eyes and pulled from her back a small and delicate vial, sloshing inside was a metallic looking grassy green liquid, which occasionally seemed to exhale a shrieking giggle.

Sluggy recoiled, yet looked eternally more interested, "What is _that_, my dear? Are you trying to poison me?"

Lily raised a brow, smiling wolfishly and giving the impression of someone who would feel only slight remorse and much amusement a poisoning him, "It is a jesting potion, sir, one of my own invention. Pour it over any object, man, or thing and see it turn into an instant spectacle!"

"_Really?_" Slughorn leaned forward in his seat, examining the potion with what appeared to be awe, "You made this yourself, you say? No plagiarizing, I presume?"

Lily took on the façade of a shocked person "I would _never_!" but managed to break into a fit of giggles soon afterward, "Well, maybe just once"

Slughorn boomed a hearty laugh and motioned Lily closer, "I must demand a demonstration, m'dear! 'Can't give you a proper grade without a demonstration!" he pointed a scheming finger towards Snape's bubbling and perfectly brewed balding potion, "I would be particularly glad to give that boy a Troll for the assignment," he whispered conspiratorially, spittle escaping his wide mouth into Lily's ear , "However, his potion is perfect. Yet, if I should…_loose_ its sample, why, it would be simply impossible for me to analyze it aptly, don't you think?"

Slughorn leaned back into his plush chair, a smile of self-indulgence quickly spreading across his face.

Lily nodded smartly, winking roguishly at him before pulling the stopper of her vial and pouring it on Slughorn.

With a great BANG! Sluggy was instantly surrounded by a great cloud of green smoke and foul odor, ranging from rotten eggs to crusted cum.

"EVANS!!!" he roared.

"Oh, dear!" Lily gasped, "I've made a botch of things, haven't I?" she shrugged and sighed, looking up at him from under lengthy and seemingly innocent lashes "I've got awful butterfingers, sir; I should've made you well aware of that"

Suddenly the green smoke contracted, sucking back into the vial as if it withheld a black hole, though the smell remained as well as a significantly peeved professor.

Hanging limply over his desk lay ol'Sluggy, an old, unexcited, giant penis. Pink and fleshy, he attempted to rise from his chair but the sheer weight of his unresponsive head kept him flaccid and disappointed. The place where his face was supposed to be was pressed tightly against the wood of his bureau.

"Quick!" he wheezed "Say something…lustful!"

"Er…." Lily coughed into her fist and casually leaned against the wall, "oh, baby"

"Come on, Miss Evans! Make an effort! I can barely breathe!" Slughorn attempted to take a breath but barely managed to push back his foreskin.

Lily snorted loudly, "This is a rather more successful than I ever thought it would be" she commented "I would make a great entrepreneur, wouldn't you agree, sir?"

"Antidote!" he gasped, "Antidote!"

She shrugged "Didn't make one. 'Thought it would be more mild than this…perhaps if I put less essence of—"

"MISS EVANS!!!"

"Yes, sir?"

"I—can't—gasp—_BREATHE_—" Slughorn slumped over completely.

Lily smirked and rolled her eyes, slowly, she walked around to his desk and rubbed the back of his head as if he were a crying child.

"There, there…" she said "You'll soon be better"

Instantly, Slughorn, or rather, Sluggy's horn, shot up and he took a monstrous intake of air.

"Tell no one of this" he muttered to her darkly when done, "If any of the staff should ask, I am ill"

"I don't see how this is a problem—"

"I am _ILL_, is that understood?" his cheeks grew rosy, which was quite the amusing event considering they were, along with the rest of his face, imbedded in the center of a pulsing penis.

"Now _leave_, before I cum" he hissed with great effort, "I mean—before anyone comes—in. Before anyone comes in"

Lily saluted, "Aye, aye, sir."

Laughing, she rushed to the door, pulled it open then slammed it shut behind her, just in time to hear a certain substance make a loud SPLAT against the office entrance.

OoO

By the time Lily exited the horror of Slughorn's office, the whole of her potion's class was gone, not even Marlene, who always seemed to be equipped to withstand any danger for Lily, would stay in a Potion's classroom longer than was necessary.

Though it was her third week there, Lily had yet to manage an internal map of the dungeons to guide herself. It was a wonder she could make it to the loo when necessary!

Even though it was barely lunch time, the dimly lit, moldy dungeons made her feel as if it were past midnight, and that, despite her bravery, she was not supposed to be here.

Lily rounded a corner, still somewhat sauntering, still semi-certain that someone was bound to run into her and take her out of there. She turned another corner, this hall was significantly darker than the others, it had but one candle, which floated eerily next to a girl who looked to be about seventeen. She was smoking.

Lily sighed; "Hello!" she called ahead, "Excuse me!"

The girl turned her head to face Lily, her expression unfazed.

Finally, short of breath, Lily stopped in front of her and smiled uncertainty "I'm lost" she stated plainly, "Would you mind telling me where the stairs are? I've been wandering about for _ages_"

The candle flickered across the girl's face, her long, heavy lashes making spider-like patters with their shadows as she took a long and rudely disdainful drag of her fag.

"They're not here" she said coldly, her eyes like pools of tar examining the redhead, "Who are you?"

"Lily Evans" Lily responded coolly, her voice held a slightly more pronounced edge, "And you?"

"Call me Bella" her voice was smooth and seamless, yet icy, "All you fools do"

She took another drag of her fag, this time blowing the smoke into the girls' face,

"Evans…that's not German, is it?"

"No" Lily snapped "It's English. Are you going to tell me where the fucking stairs are you vicious _cunt_, or am I going to have to deck it out of you?"

Suddenly the girl's hand was closed around her throat and the candlelight gave way to an expression of pure madness, silky pitch-black hair whipped at her like merciless snakes, long arched nails bit into her skin like thirsting vampires.

"I suppose it's a mudblood name" Bella said calmly with a look of triumph, "Filth" she spat, pushing her against the wall until her eyes became bloodshot.

Someone shuffled around the corner.

"Peter!" Lily croaked.

Bella let her go, a bloodcurdling smile spreading across her malevolent features, "Hello Peter" she said pleasantly, walking to the closest wall and whispering to it what appeared to be sweet nothings. A stone door swung open.

Peter nodded nervously in her direction, rushing over to Lily and basking over her with concern.

"Ar—a-a-a-r-ree-e-e—"

"I'm fine Peter, thank you"

He nodded again.

"Help me up, will you? I want to murder that psychotic bitch—"

"S—s-he-s-s-'s G-g-g-o-n-n-e" Peter stuttered , without looking back, tucking an arm about Lily's midsection to help her up, "S-s-s-l-y-y-th-t-h-the-e-er-i-i-n Com-m-m—m-on R-o-o-om-m-m"

"Ah" Lily sighed, once up, she dusted off her clothes and picked up her bag, "What are you doing down here Peter?"

Peter stumbled "I-i-i-I-I-II-ii w-w-w—wa-s-s-s-s J-j-j-j-j-ju-u-u-s—"

"Nevermind" Lily said, "I don't really need to know"

OoO

Wondering the halls was said to be dangerous, alone even more so. However, James Potter was not one to be denied his nighttime fancies, granted, he did have his wand with him at all times. It paid off to be brave, never foolhardy.

Some people thought James a fool, a handsome, smiling and downright stupid Quidditch buff. What these people did not realize, was that James was no fool, he was a slut. Hell, he was an English Casanova, Hogwarts' greatest lover. It was rather sad really, no one respected him for his mind.

James chuckled to himself, the thought was laughable. Who cares? He'd been shagging since second year, a record for many, _that_ mattered. His O.W.L. grades would never get him shagged, in fact, he was rather sure they'd be a strong repellant.

His shoes clicked against the stone, giving his presence away despite the Invisibility Cloak that draped over his shoulders. The night air was cool and damp, outside , it was still snowing, the waxing moon peeked its luminous head through the clouds like a playful child. Only a few more days until the full moon.

James's pulse raced with jittery nerves, they would go with him this time, this first time. No, James Potter was not stupid. Prongs could vouch for that, as could Padfoot and Wormtail. _His_ brilliant idea, _his_ brilliant magic. And people called him arrogant!

Again with a smile, James closed his eyes.

CRASH.

"What in the bloody fuck?" he heard someone exclaim from the ground, "OW!"

James wrapped his cloak tighter around himself, _Evans_, his mind hissed.

Lily massaged her forehead "Just what I needed," she muttered darkly, coming forward on her knees and patting the ground for her wand, "A bloody invisible _wall_"

She suddenly stopped tapping the ground, "Hello?" she called shakily, "Is someone there?"

James smirked wickedly and exhaled loudly.

"I'm warning you!" Lily called, failing to sound at all confident "I'll kick your fucking arse in!"

James rolled his eyes.

Lily found her wand, "Lumos!" she said.

She whipped herself around in circles, poking at the suits of armor as if they were living. Something seemed to catch her eye, for she screamed and dropped her wand along with a string full of cusses. James' disembodied feet.

Lily snatched her wand from the ground and pointed at James's feet.

"Where's Potter—I mean, the rest of Potter's body?" she demanded.

James sighed, cursing his height, and took off the cloak.

"Bloody Merlin, Potter!" Lily whacked him over the head with an outstretched palm, "You're giving me an ulcer"

James shrugged, "My pleasure"

Lily narrowed her eyes, "What are you doing here?" she asked "It's awfully late for a fast-fuck"

"How would you know?"

Lily smirked, "I just closed shop"

James gave an exasperated sigh, "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I asked first"

"So what?" James snarled "Answer me first"

"I'm looking for the Slytherin Common Room." Lily shrugged, "Know where it is?"

"In the dungeons" James said listlessly.

"I figured that out myself, thanks" Lily snapped, "_Where_ in the dungeons, turd brain?"

"How the bloody fuck should I know?"

Lily exhaled loudly, "Fine"

"Fine!"

The redhead massaged her temples, tucking her wand into her back pocket.

"You know you'll blast your arse off—"

"Yea, I know" she smiled, "Got a fag?"

"I don't smoke" James started walking down the hallway.

"I've seen you smoke, Potter"

James smirked and turned back slightly, "I don't smoke cigarettes"

Lily chuckled, "Fair enough, Potter"

"See you, Evans" he waved lazily at her and swung his cloak over his head.

OoO

She wished the light from her wand could be dimmed; it looked as if it were the only one in the stretch of the world. These dungeons were, it seemed, a breeding farm for darkness, both figurative and literal. She couldn't see very far from the tip of her nose, and that scared her. Suddenly her plan to duff up that Slytherin slag in her sleep was gone to shit and she was lost. In the dungeons. Was it too late to call Potter?

Somewhere ahead she heard a pair of shuffling feet.

"Nox" she whispered and was engulfed by the dark.

The feet stopped, then, slowly, began shuffling again. They were steadily coming closer, nearly falling into step with her fluttering heart.

This had been such an idiotic idea.

"Lumos" hissed a slippery voice.

Barely a foot from her stood a boy about her age. Tall and gaunt, his face was like that of a vulture. Long locks of greasy, sleek black hair and small beady black eyes that sneered at her from behind his wand. Though his nose was really what most impressed her, giant and hooked like a fisherman's peg.

"Lily Evans, isn't it?" he said with his unique and skin-crawling voice.

"Yes" she cocked a brow, "Who are you?"

"Severus Snape" he frowned, "Lost, are you?"

Still suspicious, Lily shook her head "No, not at all"

"Well," Snape shrugged "Then you must've meant to walk into that room, then"

He pointed directly ahead of her where there was a door shook and shivered of its own accord, "Quite adventurous of you"

"Fine then, so I am lost. Are you happy, then?"

"Not in years" he hissed, "Permit me one more question and I'll show you upstairs" his eyes challenged her with an intense ferocity.

"Make it quick then" Lily said distastefully.

Snape tilted his head forward slight, a malevolent glint coming over his eyes, "Does the name Clarice Evans mean anything to you?"

Lily gasped aloud and her eyes widened as large as saucers, _He knows!_

**AN:**

**DUN DUN DUN!!!**

**And again, **

**DUN DUN DUN!!**

**Who's Clarice I see your minds asking….an important one, I say, an important one!!**

**Oh, Petunia might be making an appearance soon so…I'm sorry. She's very unpleasant.**

**REVIEW! **


	5. Discovering Hogsmeade

**Discovering Hogsmeade**

**AN: Sorry this took so long. I must've re-written this thing four times and there's still some parts I'm not happy with. Oh, well, it's now or never.**

**Enjoy.**

_There is no post on Sundays. Never was, and Mr. Evans was positively sure, until that is, the wee hours of this morning, there never would be. They barely got any post as it was. Josh Garner was one bloody lazy post-man, didn't even leave letters in the mail-box, he threw them across the lawn until they were in view, then left. _

_Which was why, this letter, not only placed gracefully in the Evans' mailbox, but on a Sunday, left Mr. Evans rather wary. _

_Strangely chilly, Mr. Evans tugged his robe closed around his neck and placed the letter in his pocket. Quickly making his way down the paved walkway of his home, he pecked hi wife good morning and sighed happily as she handed him a cup of steaming coffee._

"_Thanks, love" he smiled, taking a seat beside her in the kitchen._

"_You're welcome" she sighed contently as well, leaning back in her chair until it creaked, then stirring her own cup slowly and thoroughly "How'd you sleep?" _

"_Like a babe" he smirked "Though that may have been for reasons not mentionable in front of our children" he made to cup her through her robe before she broke into peels of laughter and shoved his hand away._

"_Oh, Charles!" she chided lightly, "hush up, before they hear you!" _

"_Of course, dear" he kissed her soundly, as if savoring her then reached into his pocket, "We got post" _

"_In the mailbox?" she asked incredulously, "Josh's gone mad, hasn't he?" _

"_Wasn't he always?" he chuckled "I don't think it was him, though Trish"_

"_Why's that?" she asked distractedly, leafing through a magazine. _

"_It's Sunday, love." He said, eying the letter with renewed curiosity, "there's no post on Sundays" _

_Patricia set her magazine down eyeing the letter as well, "How odd" she commented, then shrugged, "He _has_ gone mad, then" _

_Charles tugged on his hair slightly, pondering on the uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. _

_The letter was addressed to him, in curvy, elegant handwriting and ink a color the likes he'd never seen. _

_Sighing he turned it over in his palm and marveled at its trimness, when his wife coughed loudly and rudely then said "Open it already, will you?"_

_He smirked; her peeved glare and impatience spoke noisily of her uneasy feeling towards the letter. _

_Charles ripped it and pulled out of the envelope what looked to be some sort of –parchment._

"_Go on!" his wife egged, leaning forward in her seat to look. _

"_Dear Charles," he read, "I honestly hope you remember me, though why you would is a concept that escapes me, since, well, I haven't seen you since you were a baby. Thirty some-odd years is a long time to ignore family, isn't it, my boy? I know. I've suffered dearly for it. I—"_

_The next few lines of the letter seemed to be blurred by tears, rendered useless by the saltine droplets. _

"—_dying. Please come see me. It is unreasonable, it is pathetic, it is vile. You may not even desire to read this letter, but I beg you, my boy. I am an old, so very old and lonely woman. _Family_, if that means anything more to you, than it did to me so long ago. Will you come? This week? If the prospect is too daunting, I'll tell you that I bequeath my whole fortune to you, my extensive fortune. _

_With love, _

_Clarice Evans" Charles leaned back, as if stunned, and held the letter at a distance._

"_Well?" Patricia shook him slightly, "Do you remember her?" _

_Charles touched his temple as if in trivial remembrance, "Vaguely" he whispered, a troubled expression took over his features and he threaded a hand through his bright red locks._

"_What's wrong , love?" Patricia stood and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder._

_He placed his hand atop hers, "'Not sure," he said distantly, "I remember my grandmother mentioning her sister once or twice while she was hospitalized, everyone though she'd finally gone bonkers" he sighed, "She'd never mentioned a sister before"_

_Charles massaged his temples as if tending to a headache._

"_What else, Charles?" Patricia took his hands in hers, "What aren't you telling me?"_

_Finally, her husband turned around, his eyes cloudy with confusion and suspicion,_

"_Clarice Evans is supposed to be dead." _

OoO

Lily collected her posture, and with eyes hooded, she lied through clenched teeth, "No" she spat, "Can we go now?"

Snape lowered his head, letting his greasy hair cover his superior smirk.

"Of course"

True to his word, Snape led her through dim and humid passages, sometimes touching the walls vaguely as if unsure of their direction, until they stopped in front of the stairs. Coming to a halt behind him, Lily dusted herself off, nervously biting her lower lip. If Snape had been especially gifted in hearing, he would've been surprised at the rate with which her heart hammered against her chest cavity.

Slowly, and with much of his manner suggesting a vulture, he turned around, "I'll be seeing you, Evans." Snape said almost in a whisper, his deep and weird voice slick with some unknown emotion, "Even if you are a horrible liar"

Lily's eyes darkened and she let her tittering fear be replaced with menacing anger, "What do you know you miserable prick?" she pushed him, "Huh? What the _FUCK _do you _know_?"

She grabbed his collar and shook him as if he were a rag doll. Snape merely sneered. Lily glared and hysterically banged him against the nearest wall, "Tell me!" she demanded.

Snape smiled triumphantly "Perhaps some day" he hissed.

"No!" she punched him in the stomach, and he doubled over, yet, despite his evident pain, he laughed malevolently. His cackle was somewhat misplaced, loud and sharp, like a squawk.

"Tell—ME—_NOW_!!" she cried, kicking him like a madwoman.

"Evans!" Lily twirled around in surprise, there at the foot of the stairs, stood James, a look of confusion merged with amusement plastered on his face.

James took in the sight, Snape hunched over himself as if cradling his bowels as Lily heaved and panted, her fists balled and a foot positioned to kick again.

He crossed his forearms, "I thought you'd closed shop?" he said with a light chuckle.

Lily narrowed her eyes at him, yet found her heart-rate slowing, as if her anger were being tamed by her annoyance at Potter. She whirled around to face Snape and give him one last withering glare, when she found him gone.

"Bloody coward" James spat, then uncrossed his arms and sauntered over next to her, he crouched and swiped a finger at the ground. Blood.

"Though you gave him one good kick up the arse, Evans, I'll give you that" James elbowed her with a smile, "Seems I may have reason to like you, yet"

Lily took a shaky breath, leaning against the closest wall with an expression withholding perpetual fear. Long shuddering exhales escaped her as she attempted to hold back a wave of tears.

"You 'right, Evans?" James asked, awkwardly placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Fine," Lily said softly, shrugging his hand off and quickly wiping at her cheeks "Just a little tired"

He snorted, "Fancy that!" James hollered loudly.

Lily tapered her gaze at him, "Shut up, Potter" she said venomously, "I don't need your _brilliant_ mouth to get me caught after hours"

"Oi! Be grateful, will you?" James snapped.

"Why should I be?" Lily said, in an equally peeved tone.

James huffed away from her, stomping up the stairs until turning around slightly and barking, "I came back for you, you frigid bitch!" even in the dim light, the furious blush on his cheeks was very noticeable.

Lily became obviously confused, her expression toasty as well as perplexed, she seemed to be wondering why her stomach seemed lighter, her worries less prominent.

"James, wait!" she hurried up the stairs, then clumsily swinging an arm around his midsection, gave him an odd one-armed hug "Thanks."

Still blushing, he nodded and handed her his invisibility cloak "S' no problem"

OoO

"EVAAAANSSS!!!"

Mumble.Mumble.

"OI, _EEEEVAAAAANNNNSSS_!!"

"_WHAT!_"

Emmeline Vance blinked down at her with an almost adorable expression of bafflement,

"Wake up, old mum" she said kindly "Marly's already at breakfast"

Lily groaned loudly and plunged back into her covers , "Isn't it Saturday?" she whined.

"Oh, yes" Emmeline replied cheerily, throwing open her bed curtains "And what a beautiful Saturday it is!" she sighed in happiness.

Lily sneaked a look from under her covers "You're such a nutter Emmy"

"I beg to differ!" she said indignantly, "_I _am not the one sleeping on a Hogsmeade week-end"

Lily waved at her vaguely "Still a nutter"

Emmeline slapped a hand over her face in exhaustion "Get up Evans before I steal your covers!"

Lily chuckled airily "I sleep in the nude, Vance" she said matter-a-fact-ly, "I suggest you don't do that unless you want a glimpse of my rather feminine bollock-naked arse"

"What if I do?"

"But you don't"

"But what if I _did_?" Emmeline raised her hand threateningly.

Lily smirked, "Then I'd have to inform you, my friend, that I've closed shop"

Emmeline sighed and placed her fists on her hips "Slag"

The redhead laughed noisily and raised a brow, pulling her covers off, "Mais, oui!" she called, shooting off into the bathroom with an arm wrapped around her naked torso.

OoO

Sirius rubbed his eyes and yawned tetchily, "Why are you so bloody _happy_, Prongs?" he asked as they walked to breakfast. He'd been slightly on edge ever since last night when he'd bumped into Peter in the dormitory. The pudgy boy had managed to be insulting and meek at the same time, saying he had nothing against him per say (he was a brilliant mate and Quidditch player), it was just his blatant depravity that put him off. Frank had barely managed to keep Sirius off him before Peter stormed out of the tower.

"There's nothing wrong with having a bit of a spring in one's step, Sirius" Remus said smartly.

"Not unless you're a prick" Sirius hissed, "Will you stop being so sodding gay for _once_, Moony?"

Remus gave a blank stare, then clucked disapprovingly "I think _someone_ needs a spot of cheerful tea"

Sirius sighed loudly and raised his hands to the ceiling, "I rest my case"

James began to chuckle loudly, his laughter evolving until he was stooping over and grasping his ribs.

"_What is it?_" Sirius hissed angrily.

Remus narrowed his eyes at the huffy Black and turned to James with a twinge more curiosity, "What _is_ so funny, Prongs?"

Finally, James caught his breath for long enough to gasp, "You said—I'm—a—HAHA—Sprung—_Prick_—ha!!"

Remus rolled his eyes "Oh, Merlin James" he placed a palm over his eyes "You're such a wanker"

James let loose a manic giggle "Don't we all?" he clutched his ribs as if in pain "Wank regularly, that is?"

"See?" Sirius asked, "I _told_ you!"

They walked into the Great Hall, rather more sullenly than the occasion called for. The pair of Marauders dragged their feet to their usual section of the Gryffindor table, grumpily slamming down into the seats with such force that they winced in pain. Excluding James, who took his opportunity to arse around with a group of giggling Gryffindor fourth-years.

"This always happens" Remus began as he piled food atop his plate, "He'll be euphoric for the whole morning until—"

"Pandora's Box" Sirius finished moodily, mirroring Remus's expression of morose foreboding.

"I once knew a girl named Pandora" James said with a wicked smirk as he took his seat "'never saw her box, though" he pulled Sirius under his armpit and rubbed his skull with a fist "You lucky sod!"

" Good Mornin'" Marlene plopped down beside Remus, sending James a look of confusion blended with amusement.

"Isn't it?" James let Sirius go, eagerly leaning his elbows onto the table, "Seen Evans?" then as if realizing some fatal mistake, he removed his arms and flung them through his hair, "She owes me a knut" he said nonchalantly.

Marlene rose a brow "Sleeping, last time I checked" she stabbed at her eggs.

"But it's a Hogsmeade week-end!" James said incredulously.

Suddenly, Lily was beside them, grinning as if elated, "That's what Emmeline said" she shrugged, "What in fuck's name is Hogsmeade?"

Remus looked up at her with an expression of disgust, "Its awfully early for that kind of cussing" he scowled.

"What time is it?" asked both James and Lily simultaneously, then burst out laughing.

Sirius glowered, tightening his grip around a cup full of pumpkin juice and clenching his teeth, "Did you lot swallow a fuck-full of happy pills I don't know about?" he said nastily.

"Pandora's' Box" Remus said warningly, sending him a look from atop his _Daily Prophet_.

Unaware of the implication of Remus' comment, Lily grinned deviously and said, "I knew a girl named Pandora, once" she buttered some toast patiently, then, taking a bite, said"'she never showed me her box, though"

"Bloody Merlin!" Remus exclaimed, slamming down his paper atop his breakfast "Honestly, what's the matter with you two? Is this some type of joke?" he scoffed loudly "It isn't very funny! It sounds to me like you two gits have managed to send your people back a millennia!" he took a deep breath, "Yes, prick, wanker, piss, arse and bloody tits! It's all just _hilarious_, isn't it?" breathing hard and red-cheeked, Remus placed a palm over his forehead and sighed "Excuse me", slightly inclining his head forward, Remus stood and left the Hall.

Lily widened her eyes, looked at James and whispered, "Is Remus getting his monthlies?"

James' face split into a ridiculously content grin, he looked over at Lily, his eyes filled with some unrecognizable emotion.

A look she missed, as she was too busy answering a gentle tap on her shoulder.

"Yea?" she asked, biting into a crisp slice of toast, "Who are you?" with her usual brute tactlessness, she continued to munch on her toast as the boy behind her sweated with nerves.

Behind her stood a tall, lanky individual. He wrung the edge of his shirt with an ever-tightening grip, his pale disposition was flushed red and his lips were pressed together as if he were biting the inside of his mouth.

He dropped his hands and raised his wide blue-eyed gaze, "I'm—Digglus Dedale—_bugger!_ I mean, Dedalus Diggle" he smiled at her uncertainly and reached up to remove an oddly shaped hat.

James scowled; his earlier glee had disappeared faster than anti-contraception potions on Valentine's Day.

Lily coughed lightly and placed her toast on her plate, then turned to face him, "I'm Lily Evans" she said, shaking his hand, "Is there something you wanted?"

He blinked at her with his large and startlingly blue eyes, something in his manner, or perhaps in his stare, reminded her of a child.

"I-I well—you're just so beautiful—" he cut himself off and lowered his head until Lily saw the tips of his ears turn rosy.

Somewhere behind her someone snorted disdainfully. She whipped around angrily to see James scowling, his large arms crossed in front of him in a threatening manner.

"What's up your arse?" she snapped.

He turned his raptor gaze towards her and said, "Nothing" he said, "Want to check, love?" he wriggled his eyebrows.

Lily rolled her eyes and turned back to Dedalus, whom seemed to have gathered enough courage to look her in the face.

"WillyougotoHogsmeadewithme?" he breathed quickly, "It's alright if you don't I mean I don't really know you well but I just thought I could take you to get a drink and perhaps some pasties—"

"Stop" Lily stood and placed a hand on his shoulder, smiling "You're quite the charmer," she assured him, "and I need a date. So I suppose that means you're obliged to show me about Hogsmeade, whatever it is"

The boy beamed, dropping his wringing hands and sporadically wrapping them around her in an uneasy hug, "Sorry" he muttered, letting her go.

"S'aright" she massaged her right arm with a slight grimace and turned to face her friends, "I suppose you lot'll have to make do without me" she shrugged "bye!"

She hooked an arm around his and motioned him ahead. Dedalus, still mildly shocked at his luck, tripped over his feet and caused Lily to land on her bum in front of him.

James laughed loudly, coldly as if forcibly exaggerating his mirth and slammed his fist on the table. Sirius observed him through the corner of his eye and mouthed to Remus 'I told you so'.

By the time Marlene managed to help Dedalus stop apologizing and drag Lily off the floor, James was already entertaining his fellow Gryffindors with imitations of the nervous Dedalus Diggle.

"Give it a rest, will you, Prongs?" Sirius said with a grimace, "'Never pinned you for the jealous sort"

James narrowed his eyes at him from within his hoard of giggling audience, "Jealous sort?" he scoffed, "Am not!"

"Right, mate"

OoO

The boy was sweet, she'd give him that. But, in all honesty, he was just that, a boy. He rather reminded her of her first crush…what was his name? Oh, yes, Bobby. Bobby Blake the fourth. He lived just up the street with his grandparents and had the most brilliant blue eyes. Bobby had that rounded face and full lips that made him look as if he was always pouting, wanting something. And he got it, always. Unfortunately, that something was not Lily, but a red tricycle. He loved that thing. The day Lily built up the courage to stand before it and block his path, to tell him of her 'really _really_ liking him' and the odd desire in the pit of her stomach to kiss him on the lips, he ran over her and spit his blowing gum in her hair with those perfect pout-y lips. The bastard.

"Listen, Dedalus," she cut him off, partly because he was boring her out of her mind, but mainly because the thought of Bobby till this day made her blood boil, "Do you thing we'll be leaving the Quill's Shoppe any time soon?"

Dedalus deflated slightly, but his face took on such a look of utter disappointment that she realized why he reminded her so much of ugh—_Bobby_, Diggle had an irresistible pout, too."Well—uh, if you so _desire_ it my lady—"

She chuckled dryly, "Amusing, very amusing. Yet, unnecessary. Do you need any more supplies? Or can we get on with the _date_" she emphasized the last word with a slippery sort of sarcasm that spoke of her future reluctance of repeating the experience.

"Haven't you been listening, Lily?" he asked, scandalized "I've been debating on whether to buy a self-inking Norm quill or a self inking Blott!"

Lily sighed deeply and looked up at his outraged face, "Is there a difference?" she droned, "They're just bloody quills, Dedalus. Whichever you buy will serve its purpose well,"

He scoffed, "Any self-respecting Ravenclaw would know the difference between a Norm and a Blott! This choice of quill could change the entire outcome of my future—"

"What, love life?" she snorted sarcastically.

"_No_" he narrowed his eyes, "notes"

"Ah, well." She shoved her hands in her trouser pockets and pulled out a handful of galleons, "Seeing as you're _so busy_ Diggle, and clearly unfit to take me out, I'll treat myself to a butterbeer"

"Wait, Lily—"

"Bye!" she rushed out of the shop and shot up the street to a lively pub.

The sign read The Three Broomsticks, and the entrance was bulging with Hogwarts students tipping back butterbeers and generally having a good time.

"Finally" Lily breathed.

Shoving past a couple gits at the door, Lily managed to squeeze herself into the pub. Amidst the music, dancing and shouting, she spotted a head of mane-like red hair in a corner booth.

"Marly!!" she shouted, cupping her mouth to enhance her volume, "MARLY!!" The man in front of her flinched noticeably, "Sorry," she said, pushing past him and again shouting, "MARLENE!!!"

Finally, she saw the bob of hair rise up and spot her across the room, buried under a massive amount of hormones and randy dancing partners.

Marlene plopped a foot atop her table and stood on it, "MAN OVERBOARD!!" she yelled.

Lily laughed and felt relieved as she felt a hand wrap around hers then pull her from the dance floor, "Thanks, Remus" she swung an arm around his shoulders and hugged him, "You're my hero" she laughed.

He smiled happily and led her to the booth where Marlene struggled to lower herself onto the seats.

"In a spot of trouble I see?" Remus joked good-naturedly, "Need help?"

"No" Marlene slowly lowered her arse onto the wood of the table, then, just as cautiously, slid across it and into her booth-seat.

"Success" she breathed, throwing her hands up as if in tired celebration.

Lily cocked a brow, "I don't see much of a victory, Marly"

"You wouldn't" she snapped teasingly, "You're not the one deathly afraid of heights!"

"Don't you play Quidditch?" Lily asked with a wry smile, scooting into the booth beside her.

"Blast it!"

Lily laughed loudly, "Remus, be a dear and bring us a pair of butterbeers?" she handed him a galleon, "And buy a little something for yourself, won't you?"

Remus kissed her palm, "Of course, your majesty"

After Remus disappeared into the crowd, Marlene tugged Lily closer, "How was your date Lily? Rather speedy, wouldn't you say?"

"Thank Merlin for that!" Lily exclaimed, "If I were to hear one more comment on the tooth of parchment or the great controversy between self-inking quills, I'll stab my bloody eyes out, if only for some meager entertainment"

Following her somewhat uncalled for tirade, Lily felt obligated to enlighten Marlene on the finer points of her 'date'. Like when Dedalus asked her to stop cussing because it made him randy. Or when they'd stopped in a tea shop for a bit of lunch and he'd asked for a seat for his imaginary friend. Finally, when they entered the Quill Shoppe and were ushered in by an old, kindly wizard with a very obvious wig and he'd whacked it off, saying that wigs were simply an insult to magic-users who could charm their hair back.

Marlene wasn't much surprised when Lily finished her tale with a quick escape; rather, she was enormously happy.

"What a nutter!" Marly exclaimed, "He must still be standing in that bloody shop, scratching his head!"

"Must be a nice vacation for his balls" Lily said.

OoO

"Hello, Remus" James slapped a hand on his back in a brotherly fashion, "What've you got there mate, three butterbeers for yourself?"

The werewolf chuckled, "Not exactly," he said, "Lily and Marlene are in the corner booth"

"Evans?" James asked with interest.

Remus looked at him with a somewhat quizzical gaze on his face, "Yea. Look, will you take these over there while I visit the loo? I'm afraid it can't wait" he handed James the frothy bottles while he shot into the crowd.

James pushed past the students surrounding the bar, greeting many as he slowly trudged closer to Lily and Marly. Outside it was already late afternoon and the low whistling tune of the icy February wind beat mercilessly against the pub's frost-bitten windows.

"Oh no, what are _you_ doing here?" Marlene scowled, "We send a bloke to get us some drinks and they send back a prick!"

James smirked cockily and handed her the drink, "As if you didn't want me" he said.

Lily rolled her eyes, "We _don't_ want you, Potter"

James shrugged and took a swing of Remus' butterbeer. He sat opposite Lily.

"Stop looking at me like that" she snapped after a pair of minutes.

James' smirk grew wider, "Why?"

She glared "Because it makes me feel uncomfortable."

"Go out with me" he said in retort.

Lily's lips hovered above her bottle for a moment before she snorted and said, "No"

James' look hardened while Marlene chuckled silently beside her friend, "Why not?" he asked, "You went out with that joke of a Ravenclaw!"

"He wasn't that bad" Marlene defended.

"Besides, he's still loads better than you!" Lily spat, "At least _Dedalus_ doesn't let his wanking delude him into believing he has a sex life"

"I _DO_ have a sex life!" James slapped his palms onto the table and leaned closer to the redhead, "I'll bet all you want is a demonstration" with that, he pressed his lips roughly onto hers.

Gasping and outraged, Lily pushed him off and slapped his cheek, "You bloody arse-wipe!" she said.

Again, James smirked "Go out with me" he egged.

"Never!" she spat, "I'll shag Slughorn before I go out with _you_!"

The Potter boy shrugged and laughed, "We'll see" he said superciliously, sauntering off into the hoard of Hogwarts students before completely disappearing.

Suddenly, Remus was beside them, taking in the seething Lily and a blushing Marlene with a seeming permanent puzzled look, "What'd I miss?"

OoO

**AN: **

**HOW WAS IT????? HUH???  
**


	6. Dearest 'Tuna

**Dearest 'Tuna**

**AN: Remember me? I'm SOOOOOOO sorry. Life really got in the way this time, midterms, then finals, then state exams. Just one bloody complication after the other and then, to top off the lot, I had writer's block. I hope you enjoy this, it's slightly longer (for obvious reasons). **

This time of year came always with a mixture of joy and dread. It had nothing to do with the heavy humid odor of the old nunnery. It was not as if the cries of the newly orphaned heightened in desolateness or mourning , or as if the drool which was affectionately referred to as breakfast, lunch, supper, diner, dessert and Sunday pudding was especially horrendous, no.

It was time to write her sister.

Bugger.

Petunia Evans was not a relatively bright girl, nor was she beautiful or caring. She was rather cruel, rather cold, rather lacking in manners and insufferably bold. In fact, it was only her ridiculously high opinion of herself that kept her above all others.

It was not uncommon to observe the tip of her nose rise at the sight of any staff, which was odd, really, because as the Head of Admissions she was also, er…_staff_. How she had come to be that was an event considered somewhat of a miracle, she was, after all, unbearable. However, the questionable decisions of Old Sister Clarence were never judged harshly, for she was a soft-spoken woman, with very few vices and a handful of kindness.

Petunia shivered in her covers, cold and annoyed. She'd always thought that after becoming a more respectable member of the Orphanage, they'd equip her with a more comfortable living. She'd been wrong, which was not the first time and she hoped the last (but daresay she was hoping for too much). They'd emptied her old dormitory, (in simpler words, kicked out all her roommates) and left her to sleep alone, beside the infirmary, which for ages she'd attempted to block out the pained cries of new patients.

Tonight it was a boy, she was sure of it. For whom he was crying for was indecipherable, though easily inferred. The aura of helplessness and solitude that his meek, pathetic cries ensued penetrated her small, humid walls and left Petunia in a state of insomnia. It was just as well, she never slept on her birthday.

Angry, she threw off her covers and with a balled fist hit the wall next to the infirmary. Abruptly, the boy quieted.

Ah, silence. Except for that incessant dripping. But, then again, it was never truly quiet in this place. This horrid, dirty place. When she finally married that Vernon Dursley, she'd have a clean place. Somewhere she would settle, and finally call home.

With these happy thoughts, she kneeled beside her bed and reached under it. Pulling out a frilly box of stationary, she walked to a creaky desk in the corner of her room. Settling into the chair before it, she pulled out some paper, a pen, then dated it.

Her back was straight as a board, her face pale and sickly. Had the moon been adventurous, it would've shined through the dingy glass of her lonesome window and given light to the crazed look in her eyes.

There was nothing more she hated than writing to her sister, for, there was nothing more she hated than being reminded of …that night.

Her hands trembled as her pen scratched nervously at the pink paper, her breath rising slightly in pitch as the pen scrawled a syllable…two, and then shyly, three.

_Dear Lily, _

OoO

"Who are you writing?" Marlene peaked interestedly over her shoulder, with no pretense of subtlety.

Lily paused her scribbling, peering up at the girl with a tired, relatively annoyed look, "What's it to you?" she snapped.

Marlene sent her a puzzled look, then stepped back from her place over Lily, clucking like a proud chicken, "Well, well" she crossed her arms before sitting across from the redhead, "So much for civility, eh?"

"Oh, shove off!" Lily licked the edge of her quill and dipped it into her inkwell, seemingly troubled.

Finally, after apparent reflection, she scratched out some lines on her page and wrote another.

"You seem to be in a bit of a tiff" Marlene said helpfully, "I'm very good with letters, you know"

Lily huffed and shoved a hand through her wild locks in a gesture similar to that of James.

"I'm fine" she said coolly.

"You're sure?" Marlene asked, leaning forward and letting her eyes wander to the scarily patchy parchment, "I could help…"

"No, thank-you" Lily said forcefully, covering her paper with two hands.

Marlene shrugged and raised both palms as if admitting defeat, yet, did not leave.

She seemed to be regarding Lily intensely, as if attempting to puzzle out her thoughts. It was odd, to be sure, to see two young girls sitting in silence doing nothing but thinking deeply. Especially on a Sunday. And perhaps even more astonishing, at two in the morning.

Lily let loose a long sigh, one she had been apparently withholding for some time. With her gust, the parchment began to float, propelled happily to Marlene's feet as if begging to be revised, or at the very least, burned.

Lily reached forward, but after some thought, simply sat back down.

"May I?" Marlene asked.

Lily nodded, before covering her eyes in embarrassment.

Reaching bellow her chair, Marly regarded the messy parchment. Hardly a word was visible between the arrows, cross-outs doodles and blots of ink. However, under all the chaos, there emerged two lines, relatively undisturbed, despite the trail of ink slashing across them.

_Dearest sister,_ (the greeting of 'conniving bitch', ' bleeding cretin' and 'DIE PETUNIA' had been thankfully rendered undecipherable)

_Happy Birthday. I hope this letter finds you breathing, as I am prone to believe my last letter 'scared you to death'._

"Was it a howler?" Marlene asked, glancing one last time at the letter before folding it and handing it to Lily.

Lily removed her hands and reached for her letter, "What?"

"Was your last letter to her a howler?" Marlene repeated, "Muggles usually have some difficulty dealing with that sort of post"

"Oh…no" she said, distractedly reading her words over, "I just sent it with my owl…Bertha"

"You don't have an owl" Marly scoffed.

Lily picked up her quill again, licking it and then dipping it in her inkwell, "I know" she said calmly, "Petunia killed it"

"What?" Marlene gasped, horrified.

Lily didn't look up from her scribbling, "Yea, beat her with a paperweight, as I recall" she crossed out what she'd just written.

Marlene looked at Lily, clearly fighting the urge to break out in cusses and reached forward, grabbing the girl's hand.

"Why?"

Lily shrugged, "Dunno. Scared her, maybe? She's never been very…brave" Lily's eyes clouded over in remembrance.

She began to gather her belongings "I'll see you tomorrow, Marly" she said, her voice misty as if she were speaking through a dream.

"Alright…" Marly seemed ever more baffled by the minute.

Lily was an enigma…one, it seemed, she would never riddle out.

OoO

Something stirred in the bushes, subtle and quiet, like a seasoned hunter. James changed nothing in his manner, his big doe eyes continued to stare at the pasture before him, which he munched on happily. Again, the leaves rustled.

He raised his antlers, slowly and carelessly, he looked to and fro, but soon lowered his head, as if to shrug.

Finally he heard a small thud of padded feet.

Tap, tap, tap and then—

James moved aside. Sirius, having thrown himself forward to land atop him, did not foresee the trunk of the dead oak that James had hidden with his flank.

Sirius howled in pain.

James, having changed back, was howling as well, just not in the same way.

"Aha ahah hahahaha—you bloody—arsebrain—hahaha" he laughed.

"Oh, yea, bloody hilarious it is" Sirius spat sarcastically, cradling his head tentatively, " 'lets all watch Sirius get mucked about in the head, eh?'", he mocked " I'll watch you cry the day I crack me 'ead open, wont I? Then you'll be sorry"

"Oh, stop your whining you ninny" James scowled, "You know you'll never catch me unawares,"

Suddenly a rat skidded into the clearing, fat and an oddly blond color, it ducked behind James and quickly transformed into fat, stuttering Peter.

"R-erererer—mu-sss-s—s-iss-s—"

Hastily they all swept into action, transforming into their animal selves, readying their minds for a friendly chat with a full-grown werewolf.

The howls reached the clearing before he did; large, intimidating quakes preceded his thick legs as Remus the werewolf ran after Peter's scent.

Peter clambered atop James, his corpulent body only allowing a small climb before Remus thundered onto their party.

He howled, joyous and ready for a chase.

The Marauders were happy, if only for a night, together and seemingly, as they once were.

OoO

"You all seem out of sorts," Marlene chirped happily, fingering a passage in her Herbology book while carefully petting the side of a carnivorous-looking plant. It purred.

James blinked open a bleary eye, managing to look threatening as well as ridiculously tired. He shoved Sirius awake, poking his ribs with what seemed to be the only part of him that moved; his elbow.

Too quick, Sirius fell off the stool, then, with what strength and dignity he had left, he clamored back onto the table and yelled, "WHAT!" cradling his head, "WHAT DID SHE SAY—"

"SHUT UP!" Lily interrupted, mimicking his pose, "SHUDDUPSHUDDUP—"

"OI!" James screeched, rubbing his eyes with a decidedly unfriendly expression, "_You_ SHUT UP!"

"Table four!" snapped Professor Hollyhock, waddling over, her arms held tightly behind her back, a gesture they'd come to recognize as a warning, "You're disrupting the class and acting particularly rude!" her voice, deep and somewhat manly cracked in anger, "You remind me of a nest of Flowering Fingersnappers" she continued.

"Is that good?" murmured Marlene in Lily's ear.

"No!" Professor Hollyhock whacked the table with her small shovel, "they snap fingers, Ms. McKinnon! Which you would've know, had you read yesterday's assignment!" again, her voice cracked.

Sirius snickered.

"Continue that incessant cackling and it'll be a month's detention, Mr. Black!" she whacked the table again. Sirius quieted.

Finally, when she'd been assured of their intentions on re-potting the Carnivorous Hyacinth, Professor Hollyhock waddled elsewhere.

"She's relentless, I tell you" James muttered, shivering.

"And a bloody monster" Sirius whispered, "Are we sure she's female?"

Lily shrugged, "Would you shag her if she was?" she asked with a yawn.

Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment, as if the decision where a particularly difficult one to make, "It'd be interesting—I mean, I bet I could—but I might get hurt"

Marlene smirked.

Lily looked about her, suddenly confused, "Where's Remus?"

Both James and Sirius burst into speech simultaneously,

" 'is Mums sick—"

" Hospital Wing—"

They glanced at each other, seemingly miffed.

"Hospital Wing—"

" 'is Mum's sick—"

Finally, James clamped a hand atop Sirius' mouth and said, "He's at home. His mum's got a bit of a cold. Nothing to worry about, really"

Lily raised a brow, "But Sirius said—"

"He's just an arse Evans" James interrupted, eyes dark and tumultuous.

They held a gaze, willing one another to look away and yet, unable to do so.

Lily nodded slowly, as if accepting the pathetic explanation—for now.

Together they managed to re-pot the dreaded plant. 'Little William' (which Sirius took to calling it after he'd gotten 'friendly' with its roots) managed to take a snip at Sirius' face and practically snatch his nose off.

Much to their horror, Sirius's misfortune sent Hollyhock into a morbid speech on greenhouse safety and the importance of 'respect and tenderness' towards their green brethren as well as a suggestion to keep a small vial of potent acid in their pockets should the plants ever 'frisky'.

Even as the distant bells chimed signaling the end of the period, Sirius still harbored a nasty ring of teeth marks on the tip of his nose.

"Rather reminds me of Rudolf," Lily commented lightly.

"My butler?" James asked, startled.

"Oh-uh, no. But you must know—the red-nosed reindeer?" she hummed the tune in vain, and then scowled in disgust, "_Wizards_" she spat.

Slowly, they trudged up the slope to Hogwarts, the snowy, frozen ground seeping cruelly into their shoes and socks.

"You know, this winter has got to be the coldest winter ever, I mean—"

"FUCK, IT'S COLD!" Sirius screamed.

"See? Honestly, it's cruel to make us walk all the way out here—"

"Oi, shut up." James shushed Marlene.

"Wow, Potter, not an ounce of gallantry left in yer, is there—"

"Get down!" he whispered, pulling Lily down as well as Marly, who in turn tugged Sirius down.

"What is it?" Lily hissed.

"Look" James pointed ahead, just slightly behind a flock of pines.

"I don't see anything…" Sirius whined. Yet, just as he finished, a group of cloaked figures emerged from behind the trees, silent and walking purposefully toward the Forbidden Forest.

"Do you suppose…?" Marly whispered shakily, not needing to finish the phrase.

"Yes," James said solemnly, watching them disappear into the thick of the forest, "Death Eaters"

OoO

"Don't look at me as if I'm stupid!" Petunia snapped, eyes ablaze.

The man lowered his spectacles in an arrogant manner, as if to say, 'what other way is there to look at you'.

"I'm very sorry mam," he continued in a cold polite tone, "how would you prefer me to address you?"

Petunia balled the notes in her hand, bright , angry blots of pink painted the highest corners of her sullen cheeks, "As a paying customer!" she exclaimed, causing several other occupants of the shop to turn their attentions in her direction.

Noticing, Petunia lowered her voice, "It's a perfectly valid pet," she hissed.

"Oh, well, excuse me then, mam, I wasn't aware" the clerk pushed his spectacles up the long bridge of his nose with a tiny superior smirk.

"I'll check our stocks" he said.

Tauntingly, he rose slightly from his seat behind the counter, looking slowly around the miniscule pet-shop.

"I'm sorry mam," he was openly smiling now, as well as speaking with a boisterously loud tone, "It seems we do _not _have any owls today, perhaps you'd be willing to stop by, say, tomorrow?"

The other customers eyed her with disdainful little leers, 'an _owl_, what a loon' they thought.

Furious and pink cheeked, Petunia stuffed the notes back into her purse and pushed her way out of the shop, "_Excuse_ me," she bit out.

"Oh, _well_!" she heard some old bird exclaim before the door closed behind her.

Great Scott, she was angry! How foolish she must've looked, and all for some silly letter!

Why couldn't those freaks have some sort of post—

"Petunia Evans?" someone tapped her shoulder.

"Yes?" she turned around, then quickly stepped back, "What do you want?" she grasped her purse close to her chest.

The man snickered, short, rather stout and very sooty, he had the appearance of a purple-robed delinquent. His beard was large and frazzled, the color of dry hay and muck, his eyebrows, raised slightly as if to goad her, were long whisker-like; something in his manner bespoke of an old lion.

"I've a letter fer yeh," the man grumbled, reaching deep into his pockets, "From yeh sister—'old this, yea?" she squeaked loudly as he placed some sort of slimy plant in her hand.

"Oi! Be careful!" he scolded, moving on to his inner pockets, "Little blighter—me name's Bob, by the way"

"Delighted" she sounded anything but. In fact, Petunia was slowly inching away just as the man exclaimed,

"A-ha! There's the little sod—thought I couldn't find yeh, did yeh?" He addressed the small letter with one squinting eye.

"I'll thank you—" she snatched the letter out of his hand, "to give this—" she slapped her own letter onto his outstretched palm—"to my _dear_, baby sister"

She turned on her heel and marched.

OoO

"Miss Evans, I would like to enlighten you on a point or two," Slughorn exclaimed merrily, seemingly out of the blue.

"I'm not sure you could, sir" Lily spat nastily.

James, beside her snickered into his palm, the rest of the class seemingly following his example along with a chorus of, "ooooooooooo"'s.

"Nevertheless," Slughorn replied, still unbearably cheery, "It would be useful for you to note, that glaring, despite popular belief, will not burn holes in the side of my face"

Again, the class snickered.

Lily clenched and unclenched her fists under the desk; her cheeks were ripe and red like the brightest of apples.

"Relax, Evans" James whispered out of the corner of his mouth.

"I'll remember, sir" Lily said to Slughorn.

Slughorn, looking thoroughly pleased with himself, returned to the un-graded essays upon his desk.

"Next time I'll use my wand…" Lily muttered darkly.

It had all begun just as they'd returned from Herbology. James it seemed, was over his slightly paranoid episode by the Forbidden Forest and had decided to return his attentions to Lily, who'd been in the foulest of moods since the night before.

Just as they took their seats, Lily beside Marlene, behind James, Sirius and Peter (who was squished in-between them), Slughorn announced his intent on assigning permanent Potion's partners for the next ridiculously impossible potion they were to brew (as well as the one following that, and the one after that, and the one after that…) one of his own making, which, so far seemed to have no purpose.

"Go out with me Evans" James said in a saucy tone, turning around to face her so that he was sitting with his legs on each side of the back of his chair.

"No" Lily never spared him a glance, her attention preoccupied by the assignment on the board.

"Give 'im a chance Evans….for our sake?" Sirius pleaded, eying his potion's ingredients with a distasteful air.

Lily raised a brow, "Because I would give a rats' arse about your sake…." She said sarcastically, "Wake him up, will you?" she motioned to Peter, "he'll fail if he goes on like this"

Sirius shrugged and raised a brow as if to say, 'who cares?'.

James shoved a hand through is hair, "Go out with me Evans" he smiled winningly.

"No" she said, her tone gaining a slight clip.

Marly chuckled, "Let me just warn you then, shall I?" she gave Lily's arm a little pat, "He'll keep asking you, and askin' you and askin' you, until, one fine day, the choice is either one" she held up a finger, "you kill yourself. Two" she held up two fingers, "you kill him. And three, which is, of course, what he's wanted all along" she held up her middle finger with a miniscule smirk, "you go out with him"

Lily glared at James icily, "The day I go out with boner boy here is the day my mind's gone to the dogs"

"Hasn't it?" Sirius raised both brows and smiled sweetly.

"No!" Lily spat.

"Oh, well then," Sirius gave James a small regretful smile, "Tough luck mate,"

"Just you wait, Tissue Tits will go out with me yet—"

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME—" Lily lunged out of her seat, arms stretched out in front of her as if willing them to grow and separate James's head from his shoulders.

Marly was holding her back; James was jumping out of her grasp and calling tauntingly,

"Can't get enough of me, can you Evans—"

"SILENCE!!!" Slughorn boomed as he stomped down the dungeon to their back corner, taking in the flustered sight.

"Miss Evans, Miss McKinnon, separate!"

"But—"

"SEPARATE!"

And so, here she was, partners with the Potter prat for the rest of the bloody semester, which is to say, the rest of the bleeding year. Perfect. She leafed through her textbook for some ounce of inspiration.

Potter tapped her shoulder.

She ignored him.

He tapped her shoulder continuously until she whipped her head around and hissed, "_what?_" only to find him barely an inch from her face.

She blushed angrily, shoving him away from her as he snickered, "Marly wants you," he said, pointing a thumb across the room.

Sure enough, Marlene was making frantic motions to a piece of parchment on her desk, which Lily proceeded to read.

_**I sent your sister's letter**_

Suddenly, Lily felt the worry lift from her chest. Quickly she scribbled,

_With who? _

She threw the parchment as Slughorn ducked his head under his desk. Lily watched Marly read it and rapidly reply, a proud smile gracing her features.

_**My uncle Bob, he lives just outside Hogsmeade**_.

To which Lily replied frantically,

_Bob, as in Robert, Robert McKinnon, the ax murderer?! YOU SENT MY SISTER A DEATH SENTENCE, MARLY!!_

_**Oh, stop being so posh, he's just a tad off his fish an' chips is all, who isn't these days? **_

_I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!_

_**He's fine! Surely my cousins mentioned he's been off the bottle for years?**_

_He's an alcoholic? _

_**Oh…no, nevermind. Wrong uncle.**_

_I'M DEAD._

_**Surely not, I can see you, healthy as a babe. A bit green, mind you, but very alive-looking. **_

_I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU—_

OoO

He couldn't sleep, partly because of worry, partly because Peter snored as if he'd had nasal congestions from the time he was out of the womb.

Nursing his temples lightly, he observed the Hogwarts grounds warily. It seems he was still on the look out for those hooded figures, weather Death Eaters or not, they were up to something. And the only person he tolerated to be up to something was—yea, him.

Suddenly a sharp rebuke cut through the quiet night.

"WILL YOU JUMP OFF MY KNOB, EVANS???" Marly's voice was angry if not annoyed.

"HE'S NOT GOING TO KILL HER, SO STOP ASKING—"

James smirked in confusion.

"AND EVEN IF HE DID, IT WOULN'T BE MUCH OF A LOSS, WOULD IT?"

He could hear some nasty retorts that were only slightly undecipherable under the sound of ,

"LALALALA—I CAN'T HEAR A BLOODY THING YOU'RE SAYING SO I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY YOU BOTHER—LALALA—"

"I'M JUST GETTING A BIT SICK OF YOUR SHITE MCKINNON—"

"WHY DON'T YOU BUGGER OFF THEN, EH? GO SLEEP ON THE COUCH OR SUMMIT?"

"I _WILL_!"

"GOOD THEN!"

"GOOD NIGHT!"

He heard the door to the girl's dormitory slam shut, followed by some fervent stomps down the stairs finally topped off by the flustered appearance of Lily Evans.

She had a comforter under her arm and was donning a scowl as well as a sexy long-sleeved, cover-all cotton night-dress that could have belonged to McGonagall. Lily threw her comforter on the couch facing the fire, either refusing to acknowledge him or too preoccupied to do so.

"Hullo Evans—"

"Oh, no, what are _you_ doing here?" she crossed her arms and sat on the couch, her expression was, to put it mildly, more than a little vexed.

James snickered, "Still angry about that kiss, I see" he took a seat beside her.

She snorted and scooted away, "No, Potter" she spat, "I just don't like you"

He smirked, "Sure", he moved closer and closer, until her back was pressed against the arm of the couch.

"Back off, Potter!" she warned, "I've a mighty good kick from this angle and I don't mean to your face"

"I should protect my legacy then, shall I?"

"I'd recommend it"

James smiled, his breath hot against her cheek as he exhaled, a scent similar to pine, but not quite, clung to him. The very air about them seemed to cackle with sudden electricity.

"You know…it gets me so hot to know you've thought about my jewels, Evans," he said huskily, "Gives me all kinds of thoughts…"

"What kinds of thoughts?" Lily asked, turning her face up to his.

He leaned his head down to her lobe, slipping it into his mouth as he muttered, "_naughty _thoughts, Evans, naughty thoughts…"

Yet, suddenly he was off, bolting to the Boy's dormitories as if his bum had caught fire.

"Good night Evans, sweet dreams." He turned around, but seemed to think it over and turned back, "Oh, and, nice jammies"

OoO

**AN: **

**Well, will it do? **


	7. Vivid, Vulgar, Valentine's Aura

**Vivid, Vulgar, Valentine's Aura **

**AN: I can't even apologize anymore, I'm a horrible person. Sorry.**

There was something inexplicably hot about Lily Evans, James decided. Perhaps it was her manner of speaking, perhaps it was her walk. Or, just the way the sun would lie softly on the top of her hair like a golden kiss. Maybe it was the way her uniform seemed to fit a bit too snugly about her chest, or how she crossed her legs slowly, coyly, invitingly. However today, James's devotion was nothing short of obvious.

Lily's lips closed around the end of her pencil, not quite biting it, her expression of innocent puzzlement. Slightly mussed and pleasantly tousled, she gave a convincing impression of having rolled out of bed and thrown on the first clean uniform her small hand closed around.

James licked his lips, his throat was suddenly dry.

Just a desk away from him, Lily concentrated over her transfiguration exam, one hand rested in her hair, her head cocked curiously to the side, patiently, she inched the pencil deeper and deeper into her mouth, then withdrew it.

James sighed brokenly; his exam had been long abandoned, nearly finished and thoroughly vexing.

Lily had begun to drive her pencil into her mouth, managing to look completely unaware of her taunting, even as her lips puckered around the end of the writing utensil.

Sirius, having watched the scene play out with some perverse amusement, abruptly shoved James with his elbow.

"_What_?" he hissed murderously, his cheeks flushing a healthy coat of red. Lily momentarily pulled out the pencil, eying them from under long lashes, then, smacking her lips with a subtle 'pop' and sigh, returned to her torture.

Sirius smirked, "Just figured you might want to stop arsing about before you stain yourself, mate" he whispered, pointing indiscreetly downward.

If James had been red before, it was nothing compared to the blush that spread to the tips of his ears at the sight of his erection. He thanked Sirius, and with a grimace of pain, he reached across the table to grab his Transfiguration textbook and place it on the growing tent in his trousers.

As if bestowed with a sixth sense, Remus glanced up from his exam parchment, not unlike a hound on a scent. With barely two rows to separate him from his mates, it was difficult to ignore their imminent distractions. He glared at them, the quill he had been feverishly chewing on hanging from the corner of his mouth; he had quite a bit of trouble removing it as he inhaled loudly and nearly managed to swallow it.

Lily laughed quietly, finally taking out the pencil and grabbing her exam off her desk. As she drifted to the front of the room with her hips swaying dangerously, her walk resembled more of a strut.

"Yes, Miss Evans?" McGonagall asked in clipped tones.

"My paper, mam, I've finished." Lily handed her the parchment.

"Nonsense, how could you have—oh, I see" McGonagall looked quite gobsmacked, examining the paper as if it were made of gold, then, after some minutes of patient silence she said, almost reverently, "This—this is quite brilliant, Miss Evans"

"Thank you, Professor" Lily said somewhat smugly, clasping her hands behind her back, "Is that all?"

"Yes, yes—wait" McGonagall pressed her nose to the paper, then emerging, asked, "what's that you've scribbled in the corner, Miss Evans? I can't make it out."

"Where? Oh, no—" she snatched the paper out of McGonagall's hands and took her wand out of her back pocket, "It' nothing—nothing at all" she vanished whatever 'it' was and returned her exam to McGonagall, who was eying her with a sly smirk that suggested she knew exactly what Lily had written in the corner of her parchment.

By the time Lily returned to her seat, her strut was gone and her cheeks were stained a faint pink. Carelessly placing her supplies back into her bag, she didn't notice a pair of eyes trailing riskily down her shirt as she leaned over her quill case. Finally looking up, her gaze collided with James's, for a second, neither breathed, the room seemed to increase several degrees and the redhead watched raptly as the flustered boy reached tentatively toward his growing erection—

Marly, who was dozing lightly beside her, let loose a low guttural moan that left the class quite flustered.

"Oh, MMMMmmMmmmmmmm" moaned Marly, her head tossing about on her desk, "Yessssssss" she hissed soon afterwards.

Snapped out of her trance, Lily flushed even redder, quickly shaking Marly out of her dream.

"Are you quite alright, Miss McKinnon?" McGonagall called from behind her desk, looking quite shaken herself.

Marly stretched, a wide smile of contentment spreading across her face, "Oh, yes Professor" she sent Lily a coy look, "Rather lovely, really"

Sirius snickered.

"Well, then" McGonagall looked stern for a minute, "May I have your exam?"

"Exam, professor?" Marly asked, clearly puzzled.

McGonagall's frown deepened, "Miss McKinnon—"

DINGDING!!

The class left in a whirlwind of hormones and exam papers. James, still sporting a rather large tent, headed for Gryffindor tower, while Marly attempted to scrape some answers onto her parchment before McGonagall transfigured her into boubouter puss.

"You reckon she'll fail me?" She asked after dodging out of the classroom.

"Truthfully?" Lily shoved a hand through her ragged locks, "Yes"

"Thanks for the sympathy" Marly shrugged, "it so very kind of you"

"S'no problem"

"Tell me something will you?" Marly asked, no longer joking.

"Something." Lily grinned at her cleverness, "Honestly you need to be a tad bit more specific than that Marly—"

"Were you giving James the 'fuck-me-eyes' in Transfig, or was that just my romance-starved imagination?"

"Me? Why I'd _never_—"

"Just what I thought" Marly said with a curt nod, "It looked like you two were about to go at it on the classroom floor"

"Why I'd _never_—" but she was smirking.

"Yea, yea" Marly waved her hand dismissively, "Just know this; that bloke could give you all sorts of diseases, the least of which is dragon pox"

Lily shuddered, "Aw, Marly! You botched up my mood! I'll never get all bothered now!"

Again, Marlene shrugged, "Is that my problem? You should be thanking me, if I hadn't made that distraction, you'd still be giving James the _look _while he played with his pecker—"

"Now I know you're wrong" Lily interrupted.

"Yea, how's that?"

"I don't think it would have been _James_ playing with his pecker" she gave a roughish wink and shot off into Charms, leaving Marly aghast and sporting a disgusted twitch.

OoO

Sometimes he wished he had the heart of a braver man. The one beneath his chest was both feeble and malnourished. These days, he felt nothing but anger, that and—lust. Emotions swayed him but, rather than from his heart, they emerged from a place far more cold and calculating. His mind. True, he was weak, and even more repulsing, he was cowardly. But stupid? Not utterly.

His footsteps echoed in the slithering depths of the dungeons with much more confidence than in the upper corridors He had never known Hogwarts to be so— inviting. The icy, crooked walls of the deepest corners of the castle leaked and groaned; they were tinted an ugly green and dotted with blooms upon blooms of poisonous mildew. Behind every turn, a threatening whisper, a flickering shadow. Yet, for once, he was not afraid.

Sneaking was becoming on him.

Peter smirked. What would Sirius say now?

Finally, he spotted her up ahead, the flimsy organ within his chest pumping wildly with desire. She had a foot propped against a dirty wall, her skirt dangerously hiked up her creamy thigh. Eyeing a critter in her palm, she raised it to eye level, then licked it ; she was quite in her element. Peter felt his blood flood into his nether regions. Would he get a reward tonight?

Bellatrix was quite a beauty. However, this fact was very much skin deep. Her soul was as warped and merciless at age seventeen as it was in her later, more notorious years. In her delicate palm she held a rat, fat and sleekly black, it's eyes a blood-red, much like her smiling lips.

She looked up at him from under thick lashes.

"Ah, Peter" she licked her lips, "Just my taste"

Suddenly she pointed her wand at the struggling rat, eyes alight as if ignited by flame.

"Crucio" she whispered, in a tone rather resembling that of a lover's.

The rat screeched and squealed, twitching and popping about. Peter watched, rapt with morbid curiosity, savoring sickeningly as the rat's paws bent at odd angles watching for tears of blood, but the thing just kept screaming.

Bellatrix was watching him, a slow, predatory smile stretching across her lovely features. She was beastly.

Yet, perhaps even more beastly, was Peter's persistent exited state. Despite the whimpers of pain, the fat, watery boy eyed Bellatrix like the start of term feast, much to her pleasure.

She removed her wand, and the rat stayed still. Still as a grave until, jumping, it escaped. Scurried away from her as if she were a fate worse than death.

Bellatrix raised her glossy head and laughed, and laughed, laughed until Peter, somewhat warily, laughed too.

"Oh, darling" she purred in his ear, enclosing her hand around his member— Peter gulped—"Can I tempt you?" she tugged him deeper still into the dungeons.

Peter whimpered pathetically.

"Yes dearest," he breathed, "Oh yes"

Turning forward and away from view, Bellatrix Black looked her most cunning. Lips spread wide in a silent laugh, eyes dancing like bubbling tar.

In her triumph, the softest of loving murmurs escaped her,

"All for you, M'lord"

OoO

The Great Hall was but a few days away from the festivities of the season, the windows were being tinted a glossy pink, the tableware looked awfully polished and the students were constantly looking more and more flushed. Few numbers seemed unaffected by the affectionate air that enveloped all of Hogwarts, especially vibrant during meal times, in which Hogwarts students could be seen bursting into loving action within a matter of minutes. Longing glances across steaming kipper, fleeting smiles as one passed nosh to another, sporadic snogging over piles and piles of treacle tarts. However, what seemed most common was the quick rush of blood either north or dangerously south; a sight easily observed in the hormonal, slightly mad, James Potter.

"Sirius, we need to talk—"

"Mate, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, No means no!" he earned a round of snorts from the rest of their company, while James glared at him dangerously.

"Look—" Sirius put a finger up to silence him, watching with sadistic satisfaction as James' cheeks colored a vivid red.

"I won't tell mate, your rather…_large_ secret is safe with me" he sent Lily a pointed look across from him, "Wouldn't you agree, Evans?"

"Me?" she looked up at him innocently, "I daresay I've no idea what you're talking about, Black. Is Potter hiding something large?" she raised her spoon to her lips and slowly put the steaming soup into her mouth, fully aware of James's spellbound attention and the slight hitch in his breathing.

"Nothing significantly large, no" Marlene said distractedly, leafing through _The Daily_ _Prophet_, attracting several looks of incredulity. Finally noticing, she was quick to add, "I mean, it'll do, of course!"

"It'll _do_?" James looked awfully insulted.

Having grasped the utter hilarity of the situation, Sirius, Remus and Lily began to laugh earnestly; Sirius thumped the table with a balled fist as Remus clutched his stomach and Lily howled like a birthing hyena. Gryffindors close by, although completely unaware of the laughing matter, smiled and chuckled merrily at the happy sight of their fellow house-mates.

"It's fine!" Marly blushed, putting down her paper, "It's nothing a couple good wanks couldn't fix, I'm sure!"

Sirius roared and, several seats down, a couple others laughed as well.

"I'll—have you know—I _never_—how could—WANKS—I wank enough—what do _you _know—" James spluttered, utterly incoherent, leaning over the table and shaking a fist at Marlene who was attempting to cower behind the flimsy _Prophet_. James was so angry that he felt no inclination to make any sense whatsoever, even after having calmed down a notch, he'd sporadically exclaim, "_I wank_!" indignantly.

Lily patted James' hand soothingly, "It seemed large enough to me, Potter" she purred.

He smirked arrogantly, sending Marlene a look of triumph across the table.

"Perhaps there's a banana in your trousers," she finished matter-a-fact-ly.

"Or a wand" Marly chirped with a hiccoughing giggle.

Remus flushed before adding with an apologetic cough, "Probity Probe"

Sirius barked a laugh, "Italian sausage!"

It seemed the joke had a slight sobering affect on James pickle-pecker Potter. He sat in huffy silence, large forearms crossed before his chest as his so-called mates joked about how he no longer _was_ the dog's bollocks, now he _had_ the dog's bollocks.

However, at this, Sirius protested, "No one has the dog's bollocks" he sent a look at Remus, who burst into laughter, closely followed by James, who'd just caught on.

Marlene and Lily sent each other puzzled looks over the Marauder's heads until—

"Peter!" Remus exclaimed, "Where've you been? You missed all your morning lessons"

Peter had the decency to look flustered, or perhaps that was due to the frazzled state he was in. His shirt, quite un-tucked and wildly buttoned, suggested he'd both removed it in a hurry and donned it on just minutes previous to his Hall entrance. All that he wore seemed severely out of place, even his hair, which was usually plastered on his thick head, stuck up in odd angles, rather like James'. It was as if Peter had set out to look thoroughly snogged. "I've been busy" he said, a vivid flush of color mounted on his cheeks.

His statement was met with incredulous silence, with the exception of a dry, "Reckon you have" muttered by Lily.

"Did you hear that?" James nudged Sirius with an elbow, "What do you suppose could de-stutter Little Pete?"

Too late Peter realized his nervous stutter had miraculously disappeared.

Lily grinned, coughing into her fist and addressing James, "Can you think of nothing?"

James mouth formed an 'o' and Sirius snorted, "So you have been busy"

"Yes!" said an uncomfortable Remus, "He's been _getting_ busy!"

OoO

She had underestimated the point in which James stopped being a laugh and resembled more of a headache. She had been quite sure he could not reach such a point.

"I told you" sneered Marlene mercilessly as she commented her pending woes.

"Thanks Marlene" Lily said coldly, snatching toilet paper violently out of it's little container.

The cubicle, quite violently green, did nothing to lighten Lily's mood, despite it's thoroughly humorous walls. Covered in writing from top to fetid bottom, the cubicle walls had a range of commentary ranging from 'Sod womanly ways, I've just wiped my arse backward' to a proud exclamation of 'I've got the biggest penis here!' which, considering it was the girl's loo they'd written in, was probably true.

Hearing the echo of Marly's trickling urine, she said "I just didn't think he could be so—"

"Annoying? Intolerable? Ridiculously randy?"

Lily chuckled dryly "I was going to say persistent but, yea, I suppose you could call him all those things as well"

"That's the thing about foolin' wif James, he can turn into quite the admirer—"

"Admirer! He won't leave me alone—"

"Well, Lily really, what did you expect? You were offering yourself up on a silver plate—" she flushed the toilet "— and for more than just light flirting I you catch my drift"

"I do" Lily splashed some water on her face as she washed her hands.

Turning, her hands dripping, she shrugged with an apologetic smile, "I'm a tease"

Marly smiled "I know, luv"

Lily laughed, but was cut off quickly by Marlene's cold tone "But it's not decent to play with people's feelings."

With guilt mulling about in her head, Lily dragged her feet out of the loo.

James was waiting for them, a foot propped up against the wall.

Lily sighed and Marly rolled her eyes.

They began to walk quickly in the opposite direction, but James caught up in record time.

"Wotcher Evans" he said, languidly placing his hands in his pockets and managing to look completely nonchalant about ignoring Marlene.

"Hullo Potter" Lily bit out, sending a look at Marlene.

"Oi Evans, fuck me if I'm wrong but," he gestured vaguely with a hand, "were you talking about me in the loo?"

Lily groaned.

OoO

The dodgy prickling on the back of her neck, he icy shiver that coursed through her like an electric shock and the quick shuffle of papers she'd hear after every sudden movement led Lily to believe a very obvious fact; she was being watched. By who or what were questions she was in no position to answer. Although, it would have surprised her to find the black untidy head of James Potter in these parts, considering she'd promised to neuter him if he came within ten feet of her.

But then, for once, she did not much care to know, anyway, she was shoved into (quite unceremoniously) the most crowded, cluttered, musty and incredulously dusty corner of the library and therefore, unreachable.

Summoned books floated past her eerily, a rather tattered copy of _Potions Moste Docile_ whacked her over the head as it shuffled past the columns of tomes upon her small desk, and a tiny, whistling _Guide to Magical Yodeling_ startled her as it zoomed into the next isle.

As she nursed her left temple, someone coughed, a deep rumbling tone that drifted softly through a space made in the shelf directly behind her, one that had been previously occupied by a thick _Encyclopedia of Flobberworm Care_.

Lily looked up briefly from her Transfiguration essay, momentarily distracted. Again her neck prickled, but what did it matter? Utterly determined to ignore the offending stalker, she busied herself in her notes.

_Traver's Law of Wandless Transfiguration…concentration…comprehension and….and…constipation? No, that couldn't be it…_

"Er..hullo?" above her someone whispered, "I-I well, I was just observing—"

"Me?" Lily snapped irritably, not bothering to look up from her notes.

The feet before her shuffled nervously, while the man above her coughed lightly.

"I—I, well…, uh, erm…yes" he whispered, mortified.

Lily sighed with an irritated air, rudely continuing to drift through her numerous and rather vague notes.

The feet looked very awkward, almost shy; one was slight behind the other as if preparing to shove off within a second's hesitation.

The man coughed again, as if calling attention to himself.

"Would you like a cough-drop?" Lily hissed viciously, pausing in atop a somewhat weak diagram of the proper wand movements for Conjuring spells.

"Uh—no" finally, the feet backed away from her nook hurriedly, having lost their initial nerve.

Lily sighed, centering herself and finally looking up from her hunched position over her dismal Transfiguration notes.

Stressed as she was, she felt no need whatsoever to exercise her pathetic social skills; perhaps 'rude' was not a word in her vast vocabulary, perhaps it was just her automatic response.

Either way, it was some minutes more before, with a flourish, she signed her essay and sighed. Pushing away from the desk, a horrid pain cramping her fingers, she shuffled out of the corner and flexed her knees until they stopped cracking noisily.

A rustle of wings called her attention out the window, it was nighttime, most likely she'd missed supper. The deepest of sighs escaped her, she'd have to pay a visit to the kitchens later; maybe she'd nick Potter's cloak so she could make the trip in peace.

She picked up her mounds of parchment and stuffed them all but her essay unceremoniously in her rucksack, flicking her wand so that her piles of dusty tomes tucked themselves neatly into their places. Lily was just about to exit the darkest part of the library (closest, no doubt, to the restricted section) when she heard the same distinct cough from before.

Finally curiosity overtook her, what was the identity of her elusive stalker (or, perhaps not as elusive as persistent). Quickly making her way to the shelf just next to his little nook, she put down her rucksack as quietly as possible and began to remove books. She'd just made enough of an indent in the shelf so that she could see across when, quite suddenly, he came into view. Or rather, his chest did. It seemed he was reaching for a book on the last shelf, and, although very tall, he was having a rough time obtaining it.

He muttered angrily under his breath, and seemed to pound the bookshelf with his fist. Finally with a loud "Fuck!" several books thundered down atop his head. None of which, apparently, were the one he so desired.

Lily stifled a laugh.

He sighed and peaked through Lily's naughty peep-hole.

She gasped sharply.

"Would you help me?" he asked with a distinct note of irony in his voice, "Unless of course, you rather continue to spy on me"

Lily, blushing and caught red-handed, shouldered on her rucksack and walked rather hesitantly into the next nook between shelves.

"Hullo" she murmured.

"So polite" he chuckled sarcastically.

She looked up furiously to utter some really awful bits and things when she found herself startled into silence.

The man who looked down on her was nothing, if not sexy.

With ludicrously blue eyes, sparkling with intelligence, Lachlan Brown looked most inviting. He was not, perhaps, the most handsome of men, but there inlaid was his charm. For, unlike Amos Diggory, or that ridiculous first-year, Gilderoy Lockhart, Lachlan was not effeminate. In fact he was anything but.

He had curiously glossy chocolate-brown hair and an unhealthy swagger in his step, but was not the most able of seducers. His big, burly palms sweat while he wrung them and he began to bite his lower lip as Lily looked on him greedily.

Lachlan seemed to regret his earlier confidence.

"Get that—I mean, would you, please, get me that copy of _Fantastical_ _Beasts_ _and_ _Where_ _to_ _Find_ _Them_? Top shelf? I've been trying for ages"

Lily muttered a wry, "I know" before sneering snidely, "Can't reach a book? My, my, and you a seventh-year!"

"I left my wand in the dormitory," he blushed.

"You're sure?" Lily whispered, levitating the book into his hands.

His flush intensified tenfold and Lily chuckled throatily.

"Well then, perhaps you have" and with a turn on her heel, she sauntered out of the library.

It was only after she'd left the heavily carved oak doors behind that it struck; an acute, strong stab of guilt and shame, the face of an eager James flashing dangerously in her head.

OoO

**AN: **

**I have a proposition for you, would you rather I take Foolin' off-line until it is clear and finished? So that they'll be regular updates and less random chapters? I mean, considering this little chappie isn't even finished, I can't say I think it's such a bad idea, but, of course, this all depends on you, my readers. (If there's any of you darlings left out there) **


	8. A Note to all readers

**THIS IS NOT A CHAPTER:**

Hullo all:

I figured I should tell you why I've stopped updating Foolin'. It is NOT because I don't adore the story; it is just that I feel it needs a decent amount of editing, because I'm all over the place. My chapters have no coherency, and I've relatively unsure how to incorporate the climax of the story, thus it is on HIATUS.

Also I have a confession. Two months ago I discovered the marvels of the world of Twilight (Stephanie Meyer) and I have not been able to let it go. My mother and I have become total vampire-book addicts (an addiction I feel, nobody should share with their mothers). Therefore, I have a new marvelous story idea that I wish you would comment on:

I present...

Life in Color

"Before James, life was a sketch starved of color"

Lily had not known a life outside of Spinner's End, though she has dreamt of it. With her last year in Hogwarts finished, she has nothing to look forward to and can only long for an escape. Finally, through a tragic event she finds herself on a bus headed to the rainiest place in all of England...where she may find danger, laughter, sadness and most importantly...love.

(Sound familiar? It's a mixture of Lily/James and Edward/Bella as well as a few of my most inventive story-ideas! PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU LIKE IT!!!)


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